Ghost Story

[Varric]

Only worried the justicar will notice half the Truthings don't work on me. "Not really. Any decent justicar knows how to ask questions better than that and a good one won't need to ask many in the first place."

[Marian Hawke]

Emma is quiet for a long while, watching him cook. Finally, in a small voice, she asks, "Are you ever afraid?"

[Varric]

Crushing weight, dark (not lack of

light, dust and particulate), a slim, graceful hand

on his ankle, helpless and trapped, stuck in

the ground with no way out, shame

and regrets welling
up
(should have been
better, should have prepared)

and lodging in his throat. Failed ne (should have known

better, should have prepared better, shouldn't have
trusted Ne so blindly).

"Yes," he bites out, head bowing under the weight of memories. At his side, his left hand taps rapidly and soundlessly against his leg. "Yes," he repeats more evenly.

[Marian Hawke]

"You always seem so calm. So prepared. Everything just goes well for you. If I'd been taken, I'd never have come home. But you just... do. You just get away with things."

[Varric]

"Experience mostly." He swallows carefully. "When I was your age, I wouldn't have come home either. What skill, power and knowledge I have, was earned with sweat and blood. Terror and pain." He forces himself to start cooking again. "Loss."

[Marian Hawke]

"I was scared to death when I heard you'd been taken," she whispers. "I kept picturing the worst. I-- I would have done anything to let you come home. And then you just walk back in like nothing happened."

[Varric]

Varric nods slowly, focusing far too much on slicing onions. "Have you come across Vatoe's Personae Masque treatise?" At her negative reply, he continues, "Vatoe proposed that many, if not most people wear masks at nearly all times. Sometimes it's just a small change from the person underneath; a layer of manners, a filter for swear words, a language shift or the like. Others have deeper masks, ones that cover up big differences. A facade of professionalism over fear, boredom, or confusion. Villains pretending to be caring or civil minded." A pause and Varric half glances over his shoulder. "Or blase confidence over self-doubt, regret and pain."

[Marian Hawke]

"Regret?" she asks, quietly. "Do you... regret coming here?"

[Varric]

Varric gives the question true consideration. "Details of it," he finally says. "The timing. Not doing more research first. But not in the whole, no."

[Marian Hawke]

"Even though you got arrested? Even though...?"

[Varric]

Varric snorts softly. "You say that like it's the first time I've been arrested." Smirking, not that she can see, he adds, "this makes twelve."

[Marian Hawke]

"Twelve?" she gasps. "I've never been arrested once!"

[Varric]

Varric sighs almost fondly. "Twelve," he confirms. "Four breaking and entering, four destruction of property-- though I maintain that the third should have been theft, not destruction, given that the fountain was intact, just, uh, not on the material plane anymore-- two smuggling, one blackmail and this one."

[Marian Hawke]

"...your life is really different than mine," says Emma slowly. 

[Varric]

"Adventurer," Varric says with a bland voice and a shrug. And to him, that really does explain every bit of what he's said. "Doesn't mean my life is better or worse than another's life. Adventurers have intense lives, both good and bad."