Hazelnuts and plaid

[Aveline Vallen]

"Go to..." Aveline's head tilts to the side, eyes focusing inward as she thinks. "That... that honestly sounds like a brilliant idea. Vangal knows we could all use the rest and serenity."

[Marian Hawke]

"All?" Her voice is small. "You'll be on desk duty, you'll need to work. Zev can't leave Voice for too long, and Isabela has that new job, and Merrill's..."

[Aveline Vallen]

"Fuck work," Aveline says bitterly, eyes nearly glowing with holy light for a split second. She catches herself, takes a deep breath. "Sorry. But yes, for me at least. I'd-- Damn." She huffs, looking frustrated and chagrined. "I'd actually caught up to my backlog near the end of the week before last. I've been pushing now to get ahead because I was-- I was going to take a week, maybe a fortnight, off after your exams. There's a three-part concert by the Maestro d'Melancholy Mer starting the day after you'd finish. And maybe-- there's a few places nearby you can rent cabins and such and-- Ugh. I was hoping the two of us could spend the week following up there, have people ride up when they can to join us." A scornful laugh. "It was going to be a surprise."

[Marian Hawke]

"You can't have any vacation left, not after..."

[Aveline Vallen]

"You'd be surprised," Aveline says, which isn't really an explanation. "I'd worked it all out. Not that it matters now, given..." She gestures at her stomach.

[Marian Hawke]

"I'm sorry," she murmurs again. "I really am. You didn't... I understand why it couldn't have been me but..."

[Aveline Vallen]

"It's fine," Aveline says firmly. "It really is. It wasn't my plan but plans change." She laughs, the mirth it in it chasing away at least some of the shadows in her eyes. "I mean, I didn't mean to fall in love again, to have a family-- Clan-- or have a dog. And then this awkward young woman who still can't manage to swing a sword properly crashed into my life and brought all of Astea's love with her."

[Marian Hawke]

It's fine. Of course it's fine. Any woman would be lucky to carry a Clan baby. Any woman except me. I'm the defective one. Marian looks down at her toes, sighing. "I don't suppose we have long before they're going to want to put me back in my cell properly."

[Aveline Vallen]

"We have plenty of time," Aveline murmurs absently, studying her closely. "Hawke, what's wrong?"

[Marian Hawke]

"It's nothing. Just... all this."

[Aveline Vallen]

"Yes, of course, but..." She hesitates. "Something I said, just now... Talk to me? Please?" Her voice catches on the word, turning it from request to outright plea.

[Marian Hawke]

She shivers a little. "I don't-- I don't really understand it myself, only... only... I hated being pregnant," she whispers. "That's no secret," she adds, with a bit of self-deprecation. "I hated being on retirement and I hated not drinking and I hated... but I didn't feel... that sense of... What you said, about, feeling connected or..."

[Aveline Vallen]

"Not everyone does," Aveline says gently, tugging on their hands again to try and get Marian to actually come close. "I knew all that, true, but it sounds like there's more there. Deeper. Hawke... did you not want to be pregnant? Not-- I don't mean, 'not have children' but just not pregnant? Not because of being cooped up or restricted." She hurrmps, a noise both Marian and Wylde both would recognize as the paladin being annoyed with having to stop and restart because she hated the words she'd already chosen. "Would-- Okay, hypothetical; if you were pregnant again but could safely drink and adventure, if there was-- if last night had never happened, would  you be okay with it? If there wasn't any guilt or chafing at limits attached to it, would it still feel wrong?"

[Marian Hawke]

She doesn't say anything, doesn't respond, just stares at her toes for a long moment. Then, finally, she gives a tiny little nod. 

[Aveline Vallen]

"Okay," Aveline says, tone supportive and accepting. "Can you describe why? Or how?"