The Drow Queen of Glaley [Very NSFW]

[Shisou]

Shisou shakes his head. "I'm f-f-f-f-focu-cusing on the o-p-p-p-p-p-port-unit-t-ty, n-n-not... wh-what I d-d-d-did." A hesitant pause, but before Zevran can speak in reply, he adds quickly, "H-h-h-how is...?"

[Zevran]

"Worried," Zevran says after a moment. "Most of all, I think worried. Mostly about you, though that's the surface. Underneath, she's grieving about Iron Bull, and worried about him, but she's refusing to think on that topic so you. And us, of course. She..." Zevran winces, eyes closing. "She's mostly repressed the entirety of... that day. I've told her, explained it, but it's firmly locked away."

[Shisou]

"S-she... r-r-r-r-rep-p-p-p-ressed? She... d-d-d-d-ddoesn't r-r-r-r-e-m-m-m-m-m-mee-e-e-m-m-m-b-b-b-er...?"

[Zevran]

"Not personally, no. She seems to have indistinct recollections of what happened, but nothing personal." He frowns, realizing how confusing that sounds. "She seems at times to act as if she had heard of the events, beyond what I explained, but distantly. As if relating to news from Sweetwater or the like; impacting her responses but impersonally so."

[Shisou]

Shisou hesitates before asking, "H-h-h-has sh-she s-s-s-ee-e-e-n m-m-me s-s-s-s-since?" 

It's a fair question; he remembers the last few days in a blurry haze, but he doesn't recall seeing Coquette, primarily because she didn't visit his sickbed. 

[Zevran]

"In passing only," Zevran admits quietly. "She has been... distracted. Very much so. You recall that I mentioned she is with child again? Between that, fear of pursuit, not thinking about Iron Bull or--"

[Shisou]

But Shisou's already stopped listening, his hand over his mouth, the other hand on his stomach. He closes his eyes, fighting the urge to throw up again, slowly wrenching his mind onto another topic -- any other topic. It's clear this isn't the first terrible thing he's had to wrangle his mind around, only the latest and the most raw.

[Zevran]

Fuck. What did-- "Shisou? Shisou, talk to me," he says urgently. "What's wrong? What happened?"

[Shisou]

"She begged me," he whispers, eyes open and seeing something far away, and his voice is too high and too steady. Then he shakes his head, closing his eyes. "I'm a-a-a-a-alr-r-r-right. J-j-j-j-just... I w-w-w-w-wish I c-c-c-c-could f-f-f-f-f-forg-g-g-g-get."

[Zevran]

"I understand," Zevran whispers, eyes closing briefly as dozens, hundreds, of begging voices clamor in his memories. "Deep breathes, remember it wasn't your fault and keep moving. Pick out a good thing; the best thing you can think of in your life right now. And then hold fast to it."

[Shisou]

What good things? he wonders, but he manages to find one: the hope that she'll have a new body soon, one that fits. Shisou nods, shivering a touch. 

[Zevran]

"Good," Zevran murmurs, carefully laying a hand on Shisou's forearm. "Good. Deep breathes. Nice and slow, Three count in, three count out. The body is a silly thing; if you breath calmly, it convinces the rest of your body to calm as well. Take your time, find your center. Then, when you're ready, can you tell me what happened?"

[Shisou]

A long few moments later, he says, in a low, flat voice, "Y-y-y-you r-r-r-rr-rem-m-m-moind-d-d-ded- m-m-m-me..... sh-she b-b-be-e-g-g-gg-ed m-m-me n-n-n-not t-t-t-to m-m-m-make her p-p-p-p-preg-g-g-gnant a-a--and I d-d-id."

[Zevran]

"What? Oh. Oh no, no, Shisou, no," Zevran babbles, then sucks in a quick breath. "She was already pregnant when-- Before then. And it's--" He swallows. "Isabela's crew has a-- Divinations were done, the child is, ah, mine." His smiles wavers, his terror and self-loathing welling up even as he tries to reassure Shisou.

[Shisou]

Shisou hesitates, blinks. "Y-y--y-yours?" he stammers quietly. "I th-th-thought...?"