The Drow Queen of Glaley [Very NSFW]

[Shisou]

Shisou slams his head backward, into the wooden headboard, trying to harm himself however he can. There's so much more about him now, as if his soul more firmly inhabits his body, as if he's somehow more present than he was on the airship. But all of that presence is focused on one goal now: his own self-destruction. 

[Zevran]

"Shisou, enough!" Zevran struggles to subdue him without injuring Shisou but that is very much not his skill set. "Dau, what set him-- dammit Shisou, stop it! Dau, can you hold him-- blast!"

"With your permission," Dau agrees, a single gesture causing hundreds of root tendrils to wrap Shisou up in a woody cocoon. 

[Shisou]

Shisou lets out a low keening noise, a noise of sheer pain and terror, as he struggles against the roots. In truth, nothing had so much set him off as much as restored his ability to focus, to think clearly -- to recall what happened clearly. 

[Zevran]

Zevran hisses softly. "I had thought more-- Shisou, look at me," he says instead of explaining he'd wanted something softer as help.

[Shisou]

Chest heaving with silent sobs, Shisou turns his head vaguely in Zevran's direction. 

[Zevran]

"There we go," Zevran croons, reaching over to stroke Shisou's forehead. "There we are. It's me, Shisou. It's Zevran. You're safe. We're safe. We're far, far away from-- from Alessia. We're safe and we're getting help."

[Shisou]

Shisou tries to pull his head back -- fails. "Please," he whispers. "Please, you should have killed me, I-- I betrayed the Mistress."

[Zevran]

"No," Zevran says, plain and blunt. 

[Shisou]

"You don't understand, she begged me and I-- I--" His gorge rises, and he barely manages to jerk his head to the side before the gruel he ate for breakfast makes a reappearance. 

[Zevran]

Zevran winces but doesn't pull away from Shisou. He is, however, grateful that Dau wordlessly vanishes the sick. "And Varisia drugged you. Forced you. You had no more choice in what happened than Coquette did."

[Shisou]

"I should be able to control what I do when I'm--! I hate this, this body, this fucking body, this--" 

Shisou, swearing? Speechless? Come to think of it, he hasn't been stuttering either. 

[Zevran]

"Shisou, no," Zevran tries to convince him. "That's what those drugs do; they take control from you. It's no failing of yours, I promise. There's naught wrong with you."

[Shisou]

"There's everything wrong with me," he whispers passionately, tears flooding his eyes. "I'm not-- I hate this body. This penis. I hate it! I wish I could just cut it off."

[Zevran]

His-- ah. Rape. Not just raped but used to... "I know," he whispers. "I know the shame, the guilt and hatred of this. It's hard, so very hard, to-- to set it aside. I still... I still struggle to forgive myself for some of the things I've been forced to do. But it is a struggle you must try to wage. Please." He runs his fingers through Shisou's hair, trying to offer comfort without touching Shisou too directly. He doesn't really pay attention to the way Dau is studying them both, trying to determine the specifics of the injuries his patient is still suffering from.

[Shisou]

"How, how can I live like this?" he whispers, shuddering. "How can I...?"