The Drow Queen of Glaley [Very NSFW]

[The Iron Bull]

"It's fine. I shouldn't have-- don't worry 'bout it," Bull says, voice a little terse now. Drop it Ced. I can't-- I can't handle you being hurt by it too. 

[Coquette Blacquin]

Cedric sighs, looking up at the stars. "I'm sorry. I wish you could trust me."

[The Iron Bull]

"Not about trust," Bull says gruffly, temper prickling yet again. He takes a slow breath. Then another. "I just can't... handle that talk right now." I'm barely holding on right now. I can't manage your hurt and guilt about my pain on top of everything else.

[Coquette Blacquin]

I shouldn't have gone first. I wanted him to see it was okay to share, but... now he's angry with me. 

"I'm sorry," he sighs, giving up. "I just... I just wanted to be Cindy for you. She's the one who knows how to deal with all this shit. I'm no good at feelings."

[The Iron Bull]

Bull winces at the pain in Cedric's voice, guilt and regret joining the slick ball of shame, self-loathing, and rage in his gut. It takes him a minute or two, far too long, before he can find words that fit through the tightness in his throat.

"Sorry. I-- You ain't gotta be Cindy. Cedric is more than good enough, alright? Love you both." He grimaces, hating how clammy and swollen his mouth feels, though not near as much as he hates the cold pricking on his hide. "I'm just... not doing real good right now and I can't hold anymore."

[Coquette Blacquin]

"That's why I want you to talk, doofus. A burden shared is a burden halved."

[The Iron Bull]

"...not if it crushed the other person," Bull says in a dull voice. 

[Coquette Blacquin]

"You calling me weak?" he asks, tone only a little playful. 

[The Iron Bull]

"Everyone's weak somewhere," Bull points out. Slumping back onto the grass again, he closes his eyes. "You... you said you were okay. Until I told you I wasn't."

[Coquette Blacquin]

"I said I was okay until I realized you weren't. You think tonight is the first time I've worried about you? I used to-- Coquette probably still does lie awake at night wondering how you're doing. Up close, it's clear you're not okay, but you won't talk to me about it so I worry more."

[The Iron Bull]

"...I thought you said..." Bull frowns a little, not upset-- well, not about what Cedric just said-- but rather confused. "That you-- you hadn't know they were..."

[Coquette Blacquin]

"I didn't know what happened," he admits. "But you're clearly not okay. And...  I want to know why. I want to help you."

[The Iron Bull]

Oh. That makes sense. Dammit. "How does knowing help? It's just gonna heap guilt and pain on you and I-- I don't want-- doing that to you would .."

[Coquette Blacquin]

"My brain will try to fill in the gaps anyway," he says quietly. "I know you were... raped. It helps, having something solid to fill in. And it will help you to share. I need to help you."

[The Iron Bull]

So... Thinking I was okay was a shelter, but one that was crumbling even before I freaked out. And... He repeats that out loud, then adds, "knowing now is like casting Light down the tunnel. Ain't great to see the remains of the monster's past meals but at least you know just what kind of monster it is."