The Winter's Queen [Magus AU]

[Tethras Clan]

~Mummified actually. And... that's a very vivid and, ah, detailed mental image there,~ Varric notes awkwardly. Is that typical of people that are about that sort of thing? Wait... uh, no nausea. Still gross, but guess there's some upside to being dead.

[Carver Amell]

And now he's picturing penises wrapped in bandages, standing upright on a shelf. That's-- why! Oh sweet Astea tell me they don't use them as dildos?! And now he's trying hard not to picture one of the bandaged-wrapped cocks being used for self-pleasure... by a male. 

[Tethras Clan]

~....~

~...~

~Still here. Just saying.~

[Carver Amell]

You didn't-- I just-- I was doing some reading the other day about that is all!

[Tethras Clan]

~...right. Anyway. Step le- nevermind,~ Varric says, feeling the echo of stepping on a dead rat. ~Zevran's coming back.~

And indeed, the merikos drow approaches T, Dog, Helene and Carver, taking care to scuff his foot ever so lightly as agreed on. "Left is blocked, rubble, so right it is," he whispers softly enough that Isabela, twenty feet behind the others as rear guard, can barely hear him.

[Carver Amell]

Carver nods, falling into line once more as they head forward. But his mind, that doesn't stop running. I mean it. I'm not gay, I swear. I was just curious. I met this guy, this gay guy, he hit on me that isn't important forget you heard that, and I wanted to know more, perfectly normal curiosity.

[Tethras Clan]

~What's wrong with being gay?~ Varric asks. ~Plenty of people are gay.~

[Carver Amell]

Disgusting, effeminate people. I mean. People who aren't me. No offense. I'm just not limp-wristed like that. I mean like that.

[Tethras Clan]

~What kind of shite books are you reading?~ Varric wonders. ~You may or may not homosexual- might be bisexual actually- but that doesn't change the rest of you. Being gay wouldn't suddenly make you weaker or... affect your wrist rigidity. Seriously, limp-wristed? What?~

[Carver Amell]

We had fags come through Golden Shores from time to time. Swishy bard types. Bright Corenthian used to say the only men as let themselves get fucked by men are the ones that are basically women deep down where it counts. Said it was a city disease, something we didn't have any of in Golden Shores 'cause we knew how to be men. 

[Tethras Clan]

~...no. Just... I... no. That's wrong. Every part of it. This Corenthian was probably homosexual himself and  scared about it because of his own hang-ups. Kind of like how the guy that boasts the most about being brave is actually the biggest coward.~

[Carver Amell]

I know what I've seen with my own eyes. 

[Carver Amell]

Unfortunately, what he sees next is a handful of ghouls lunging at them from a side passage; the ensuing fight drives thoughts of homosexuality straight out of his mind. By the end of the fight, he's fumbling for one of the potions they recovered earlier, cursing under his breath. Do you think she knows we're here now? Because we fought those things?

[Tethras Clan]

Varric shakes- Imagines sighing. ~Nah, probably not. At most, it might notice when they don't check in, presuming they were guards or a patrol, not just hunting.~ Mostly because if it can see everything they can, we're already fucked. So no sense in planning for it.

[Carver Amell]

Right. So we keep going, then.

And keep going, they do. They make their way through the catacombs, up into the lower storeroom; three rooms shy of the 'throne room', and no significant opposition. It looks like they just might make it...

Right up until a door they passed opens behind them, and a single zombie steps out. This is the same one Isabela and Varric saw before: a lone figure, unarmored, unassuming. It lifts its hands and--

Carver sinks to his knees, vomiting on the igneous floor as his head swims. It's pitch black, far too warm. Where the fuck? He lifts a hand to brace himself against the igneous wall, struggling to get his stomach under control. The wall a few feet from his head. The fuck?!