Tales of a Child Eternal [NSFW]

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene sighs, letting go of his hand. "Yes. It is. This one should take care to delight in this one's burdens. After all, they are this one's fault."

[Tethras Clan]

Zevran seems rather taken aback. "I... beg pardon, 'delight in your burdens?'"

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene winces. "This one is--" 

They take a deep breath, letting it out. "Forgive me, I am in a melancholy mood. There are teachings about oracles, how we should rejoice that we are burdened as it is no less than we can do for Alydra. We should strive to give more than is asked of us, always. They are... not the teachings I normally quote."

[Tethras Clan]

"Yes, that sounds... almost Kendrinas...y," Zevran says, making a face. "Or very strange Bastionites. You are far more than just your burden. Point of fact, I would say that while your... dedication is the central facet of your life, it is not the only one. You are an oracle, yes, but you are also Helene. That has value as well."

[Helene Dakesh]

"Helene is an oracle," they say gently. "There was nothing before Alydra. There was no self before this one chose Alydra, and there was never any choice. There was no life, no meaning, nothing, before the dedication."

[Tethras Clan]

"And Helene is also a person," Zevran counters. "If all Alydra wanted was... pure oracle, then They would have sent a tulwath to serve your role. But They did not. They wanted a person. And got an amazing one."

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene shrugs. "This one was... over-eager. Hence, the particular burden this one suffers under, and the duality of this one's burdens."

[Tethras Clan]

That's... probably the best opening I'm likely to ever get... "I had... I am not a theologian or scholar of any kind really so I don't really know much about... oracles. Would it be... might I ask about it? About your experiences?"

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene nods. "You may. This one will answer if I can."

[Tethras Clan]

"How... how did it happen? With one such as myself, it was natural talent honed and expanded by training. How does an oracle- no, how did you... start?"

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene takes a deep breath, lets it out. "In the beginning, there was This One. This one was a shell and the barest scrap of knowledge, hungry to learn, as all Samasarans begin. This one learned Common when this one was found, and this one was put in dresses, taught to be a little girl and a human. This one was called Fille, for a time, until a suitable name could be discovered. Samasarans have an innate need for self-determination, or at least, this one and those this one has met all have. Samasarans choose their own names, their methods of dress, their deities, everything, based on the internal self, which has the wisdom of the past lives embedded within it even if the memories that lead to that wisdom have faded and been lost. So this one knew this one needed to determine this one's own self, and could not accept outward determination."

They pause, licking their lip as they realize they've gone into a tangent. "Ah, sorry. This One-who-was-Dakesh found a name in an old book, and chose it for themself, becoming Helene. But his one still did not belong among the humans. This one was a child, then, truly a child. But this one knew even then that this one was not a girl, and could not abide being called 'She-who-was-Dakesh' any more than this one could abide being called Fille. Naming this one's self helped, but only a little: this one was still 'miss Helene', and that was also intolerable. So this one became 'Seeker Helene', and that helped push the feelings away long enough for this one to grow and mature."

Another sheepish pause. "Which is all to say, this one found an oath in an old tome, and swore it. Becoming an Oracle was that simple. There was a... this one believes it was a trial, of sorts, but this one passed easily, and this one's service was accepted."

[Tethras Clan]

Zevran frowns. "Wait, how old were you when you swore this oath?" the merikos drow asks, voice deliberately neutral, with just a faint hint of curiosity to it.

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene flushes a little more. "Ah, as humans mark time... three." 

[Tethras Clan]

Zevran stares a moment, then stands abruptly. "I'm sorry, I need- I need a moment,"  he says in a curt, clipped tone. He strides for the door and yanks it open. "I am not upset with you," he manages to say in the doorway.

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene watches him go, puzzled and nervous. Did I tell it wrong? Well, I did, but I did not think so wrong as that...