Tales of a Child Eternal [NSFW]

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene swallows, looking at their hands. "This one cannot risk... This one knows that program works."

[Tethras Clan]

"What prog- the mental conditioning thing?" Zevran asks, tone hurt and bewildered. "I thought- why would you go back to that? You're better than that!"

[Helene Dakesh]

They hunch their shoulders, staring down at their hands. "I-- I'm not," they whisper. "Th-this one spoke to Sage zi'Smith today. This one was invited to begin a program at Summerhill but... this one... struggled even just speaking of it. This one plans to undergo treatment once more, then return to offer advice to him in order to found a similar program."

[Tethras Clan]

"But- how would you tell them? What makes them better, more suited to helping you than us? Than here?"

[Helene Dakesh]

"I-- This one-- I just-- This one cannot risk-- This one wants to be well. To be cured. This one doesn't wish to be an embarrassment any longer."

[Tethras Clan]

Zevran gapes at them. "Helene, have I- when have I ever made you think you embarrassed me? If have, then I most deeply apologize. I understand wanting to- to be more, to be- but do not throw away..."

[Helene Dakesh]

"Madam Zevvy has been very kind," they whisper. "But this one knows the extent of the damage. This one knows... This one knows what an embarrassment this one is. This one understands, truly, this one does not require..."

[Tethras Clan]

"Bullshit," Zevran snaps. "You clearly do not understand at all, if you think I want you to be tortured and twisted into something you are not because of some asinine social expectation you think you're not meeting. As if I give a tiny little shit about social expectations."

[Helene Dakesh]

"This one-- this one is not-- it was not torture, exactly, this one-- it was treatment," they end in a whisper, hands shaking. 

[Tethras Clan]

"You're smarter than that, Helene. You know better. Wanting something to be true does not make it so."

[Helene Dakesh]

"This one needs to be better than this. This one... this cannot be all. This cannot be the best this one can do. It cannot." 

They look up at him, fat tears rolling down their cheeks. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Well, Draslina's efforts didn't really help, if you're not happy with what's happening now. So... stay. Stay and let us try. Please." Zevran starts to step towards Helene but stops himself, instead turning to grab the first thing he sees, a random quill. 

[Helene Dakesh]

"This one... Drasslina was... was nearly a hundred years ago." Nearly a hundred -- they're not being precise, that's unusual. 

[Tethras Clan]

"And? Did it work? Or just bury things? Or did it even really do that? How much did you interact with people before Mori? How can you be sure it helped and you didn't just hide from things that would... prove it hollow?" Zevran presses, hands trembling.

[Helene Dakesh]

"It... this one is... it must have..." they stammer.