Tales of a Child Eternal [NSFW]

[Tethras Clan]

"Hence my clarification of over. You might have said feelings- that's fine. But you never bring it up- now aside, when I did- and it's not part of your day-to-day interactions," Varric explains, making a face.

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene nods. "This one has negotiated a sexual relationship with Madam Zevvy. This one has no such foundation with Beinn Varric, and this one is aware that Beinn Varric does not wish such a thing. Therefore, this one does not bring such matters to his attention." A hesitation, and they shift before admitting, "This one has seen that Claudia fulfills Beinn Varric's scholarly and engineering needs. This one feels uncertain of their place with Beinn Varric."

[Tethras Clan]

Varric glances at Helene with a slight frown. "Fulfills... one, it's like I have a... quota or something. Claudia's a nice kid and a real genius with tinkering, sure, but she's not... She's a engineer, not a scholar. That's you. Besides, friendship isn't about fulfilling slots or roles. I enjoy spending time with you."

[Helene Dakesh]

"This one struggles to envision a situation in which Beinn Varric would prefer the company of this one to one who is... less defective," they admit. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Well, that's because you have the same primary character flaw as Hero Hawke," Varric says, tone light and gentle despite the seriousness of it. "Poor self-esteem and lack of self-worth."

[Helene Dakesh]

"This one is worthy," they say, almost automatically. They shake their head, then, taking a deep breath. "To return to the original query: what emotional state does this one catalog for this encounter?"

[Tethras Clan]

"I think it's two, actually. Insecurity and jealousy."

[Helene Dakesh]

"Understood," they say, in a slightly wondrous tone. "Jealousy. This seems to fit. This one has not experienced-- or, perhaps, when this one was young and did not understand how different this one was. But this one has not experienced this in a long time."

They take a deep breath, letting it out. "This one will add this to fear. This one recalls what happened to Sharran. This one does not wish for similar to happen to Beinn Varric. Please do not consort with sceleratis."

[Tethras Clan]

"Preaching to the sworn," Varric says wryly. "Not going to... consort with anyone, but especially not sceleratis. Even with Mia, I'm... paying attention. I trust Mia, but I can't be sure how much Tantra is still in there."

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene nods. "This one would be... very upset if Beinn Varric forgot this one, or started seeing this one differently."

[Tethras Clan]

"I actually have messages to myself scattered about in code, just in case," Varric admits, fully okay with the degrees of preparation and planning (paranoia) he lives in. "You're pretty memorable though, Q&A, so I doubt it'll be needed."

[Helene Dakesh]

"Sharran called this one 'miss'," they say softly.

[Tethras Clan]

"And if something that looks like me does that, you shoot it in the gut," Varric says firmly. "I know what you are- and what you aren't. You're no more female than I am."

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene wipes away tears, unexpectedly touched. "Thank you," they say quietly. "That means a lot." 

With a deep breath, they change the subject, asking him about the matrix of power involved in articulating the left toe. But as the night goes on, they remain physically close to him, seeming to take comfort from his presence. Seeming to accept, even love, him in their own silent way.


Glory was back.

Helene knew better, they really did. But they dreamed and the dream involved Glory and they had to pass that along and while they did, it was appropriate to dress well, to ensure that she did not look down upon Helene. And when one is so beautiful as Glory, it was only fair to compliment them on their appearance, as they probably worked hard to look this amazing and wondrous. And they were a hero, no less, one that Helene had worked with prior, dispensing prophecies to guide them on their way. And, and, and...

And she had no time for Helene. She barely spoke to them, curt and professional, and neatly shut down their attempt at complimenting her. 

Thinking of her golden hair, her perfect face, Helene's hand wandered down to their trousers, slipping inside. But after only a few moments, they removed their hand, shuddering. It was... it was not what they wanted, really. They desired to be touched, to be held, to be loved, but nobody could love this body, nobody would ever touch it, nobody would want them. Handling it felt too much like handling a girl. Helene was not, could not be, a little girl. 

Not even for Glory.

Safe in Dakesh's hiding-hole, listening to the flood waters lap on the lower floor, Helene drifts off to sleep, hoping to dream of Glory. Instead, they find themselves sitting at the edge of a duck pond, biting their lower lip to try and distract themself from the uncomfortable physical sensations their body was reporting even in sleep. 

[NPCs]

I am still not ready for this. Especially... this. Even Memory Pearls are not able to truly provide understanding of mortal desire. Still, this is my duty and my debt. As always, the first indication that Helene is not alone is a bag of bread crumbs being silently offered. The Ancient One, bald, wizened and effeminate, sits beside the samsaran in their simple spun robes. But instead of another bag of bread, the being has a slim tome in their lap. A pale blue, unmarked cover gives very little hint as to the contents.