Tales of a Child Eternal [NSFW]

[NPCs]

"Wisdom is a fleeting dream, one of great value but difficult to grasp. No great joyer has a teacher than to see their student touch that dream," the Ancient One says rapidly.

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene flushes. "This one... often misunderstands thine wisdom, does this one not?" they murmur, keenly embarassed.

[NPCs]

"If a students learns but not the lesson intended, though is not the teacher still successful?" is the kindly reply. "Though this one is pleased that the first lesson is remembered."

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene glances at Varric. "This one... took the first lesson's import to be primarily the not drowning portion, but... this one does recall being warned not to take the first, easy answer as being truth."

[Tethras Clan]

Varric stares a moment. "I see what they mean about not being upset that you learned a slightly different lesson than the prime one."

[NPCs]

"Yes," is the sufficient reply.

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene glances down. "This one survived," they point out. "This one... is perhaps not the best at being patient when this one's own truths are at stake. This one sought Alydra's service because to do otherwise felt intolerable. This one thought, if this one swore vows, all would resolve, and this one would be at ease with this one's self. But this was not the case. There were many who refused to call this one Seeker, who denied this one the agency to dedicate this one's life to service. This one suffered greatly in those early years, before Nyra. This one is proud to be Clan now, to have redeemed this one's life from that place."

[NPCs]

"..." The Elder opens their mouth, pauses, then says, "This one's... boss has watched Seeker Helene's recent doings with great interest. Much has Seeker Helene learned that was previously ignored, both in this life and previous. There is regret that one so... valued suffered as they did, but also are we pleased that the path too you to where you are now."

[Helene Dakesh]

"Worthy," they echo softly. "Valued." 

Another deep breath, staring steadfastly at their hands. "This one had hoped there was some grand secret, some shortcut, some way to leverage this new knowledge into action. But this knowledge is forbidden -- a grave thing, for one who serves the Muse Beyond Dreams. Knowledge is meant to be shared, so any knowledge that is forbidden is likely too dangerous or interconnected with the doings of another deity for this one. This one will not seek what this one has been warned away from. But this one has theories and suspicions. This one..."

Helene looks toward Beinn Varric for a moment. "This one's first meeting with the Herald of Alydra was when this one was very small. This one despaired of being the way this one is. This one called this one's incarnation incorrect, and was chastised. This one was instructed to seek other causes, meanings, for this one's life. This one was reminded that this one is Samsaran, that each incarnation serves a purpose, that no life is without value for one such as this, that there are no mistakes when the incarnation is crafted. This one was instructed to consider alternatives, and not to assume the worst answer is the true one. At the time, this one spoke of this one's gender, but... this one and the Herald have not spoken of this one's other condition before today, and yet, this one wonders if the Herald was speaking of such on that day as well. There are frequently layers to meaning."

[Tethras Clan]

"Yeah, I'm getting that impression," Varric notes, reaching out to take Helene's hand if they allow it.

[NPCs]

Andrast- Andra (strange, that new quirk. A nickname of a nickname?) is going to be insufferable about this, isn't she? "There is no fact, no statement or lesson that can be applied in only one way," the Ancient One agrees out loud. "I may also say this- the knowledge you asked for is not forbidden by Alydra's will, nor my own, but rather by what mortals call the Heptad Compact, as imprecise and speculative as that concept is."

[Tethras Clan]

"In fairness, given that the Heptad Compact is, by definition, things we're guessing at..." Varric points out with a faint smile. Not our fault that we can't figure out the blanks in the things the divines won't (can't?) say. 

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene's little hand squeezes Varric's larger one tightly. "That is reassuring," they admit. "This one... This one would like to believe there is a grand reason why this one was allowed to incarnate despite being defective. But this one cannot, has never, found one. This one recalls being asked to question this one's initial assumptions and this one.. perhaps this one is not defective. Perhaps this one was created in this way not as a lesson or a punishment but as a... perhaps it is so this one can understand the often alien thoughts of outsiders, or perhaps so that this one can be of service in a specific way at a specific time, or perhaps there is no reason. Perhaps this one is simply this way. Perhaps this was not intentional. This one dislikes blind guessing, but this one knows not how to find resources that would inform this one to aid in the testing of any of these hypotheses."

[NPCs]

The Ancient One goes still, unnaturally and unnervingly so. After nearly a full minute, just as Varric is about to lose patience and prod them, they speak. "There are times... when a thing, a quality, is not itself the point, but rather the result of something necessary. In order to become a butterfly, a caterpillar must undergo a metamorphosis. They must give up their freedom of movement, their time, and even their agency. Some might even say they give up their life, spending it so that something new can be created. But that ignores the value of the cocoon. Yes, it robs them of their freedom, but it also keeps them safe. It is not their prison but their home, their refuge." A very imperfect metaphor but I cannot get any closer in accuracy. Hopefully they have learned to look past the surface meaning.

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene nods slowly. "Then... it is not... the restrictions placed on this one, the disability, the malfunctioning, is a result of... a change. A metamorphosis. This life is necessary for the next life, then? This life is... shaping, so that the next life can be something extra-ordinary? And if this one attempts to work around the restrictions, to break free of the cocoon, this one will only die, and destroy the potential butterfly?"