Under Darkness [AU]

[Tethras Clan]

Merrill looks at the two of them, her expression mystified. "Why is Anders a coward?" she asks curiously.

[GamesMaster]

"Yes, Varric, why am I a coward?" he asks, crossing his arms as he heads for the sofa. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Because you tried to dump this conversation solely in my lap instead of at least helping with it," the dwarf replies promptly. "Twice now," he adds.

"Can I help instead?" Merrill offers eagerly.

[GamesMaster]

He sighs, raking a hand through his hair as he sits. "Yes, alright," he says, a little cross. "Merrill. You recall what happened yesterday, after I gave you your tonic?"

[Tethras Clan]

Merrill hunches down, pressing herself against Silence. She nods wordlessly.

"You alright?" Varric asks gently.

Merrill nods again, eyes wary.

"Because you're not talking."

"...am I in trouble?" she whispers.

[GamesMaster]

"No, Merrill. Of course not." He sighs. "Varric just wanted to know what happened."

[Tethras Clan]

"Right. Anders is worried he... do something wrong, so he wanted my opinion," Varric explains. "And I wanted to hear the story from you, because the more data points you can get-"

"-the better your plan will be," she finishes with him. Merrill takes a deep breath, then explains. To Silence, as she doesn't look at either of the men. "I had a panic attack, a little one, because I kissed him and he was upset about it. I- I th-thought me m-might leave. Forever. But I managed to... I calmed myself down. Mostly. A little. Anders gave me a potion to pull me out of it. And... And while I was... steady, I... thought... I should ask him. Like I asked you. About his penis. Just to be sure."

[GamesMaster]

I thought he might leave. Forever. Anders lets out a small, strangled whimper. Thank the gods for Varric.

[Tethras Clan]

"Alright," Varric says gently. "How... how did it go?" he asks, voice a little strangled.

Merrill shivers, clinging tighter to Silence. "It was flesh. I don't want to think about it without a potion. I just- I know it's flesh, that's enough," she mutters.

"Alright, enough about his.... about that part of him. What about Anders? DId you feel... safe?"

"Of course," she says, voice a little firmer. "He let me do it myself. So I could... decide. And he let me be sure. Anders is safe. He let me decide. I... I don't want sex," she finishes in a whisper. "It hurts. I can't forget the hurt yet. But now I'm sure he's safe. It's flesh and he let me decide. And then he let me hold him all night and didn't hurt me. It was nice."

[GamesMaster]

"I would never hurt you," he vows in a whisper. "Not like that."

[Tethras Clan]

Merrill ducks her head, offering Anders a shy smile.

"So... that part went pretty well from the sounds of things. What was this about a kiss?" Varric asks.

"..ummm, well," Merrill says carefully. "He was nice about Carver. And... and I wanted to try. Kissing. With... but I can't kiss... them. Not yet. But I love Anders too. And he's not fear. So. Tried. Not ready," she declares, beginning to rock back and forth slightly.

[GamesMaster]

"I'm very proud of you for trying," says Anders gently. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Okay," Merrill mumbles.

"Right. So. Merrill... you're not ready for anything.... like that yet, right? Going to, uh, be like Papa for a bit more?" he asks, getting a nod from the elf. "Alright... that's fine. That's good in fact. Because... you have healer training right?" Another nod. "Then you know how there are rules about healers and patients. About acceptable degrees of relationships and intimacy?"

Merrill's head pops up and she stares at Anders with dawning worry and guilt.

[GamesMaster]

He rubs the back of his neck. "I believe I mentioned this yesterday. Multiple times. But I know it's hard for you to listen sometimes, when you're upset. So I thought we ought to talk it through again today."

[Tethras Clan]

"You did," Merrill admits softly. "Are y-you going to-to lllll-"

"No," Varric says firmly. "Anders is going stay, but we need to put some rules in place. Okay? And you have to promise to abide by them. Okay?"

That's some very agreeable and fervent nodding there...