Under Darkness [AU]

[Marian Hawke]

He.. broke me? I'm...broken? (Merrill's dark eyes full of pain)

Again, Varric can feel her pushing the thought away, trying to bury it where she's buried the rest of her knowledge about Jadan. I want to make Papa happy. I want him to stop crying, but I don't know how.

[Tethras Clan]

"Jadan broke you," Varric repeats firmly. "I need you to say it. Out loud. It's... you have to keep trying, keeping pushing to get better. Jadan broke you. But you can get better. You.. You have to admit it, accept it, then you can get better. Please. For us."

[Marian Hawke]

Her thoughts pull back, dim, get quieter. It's as if the cycle of thoughts has been muted, so her mind is frantic, but it's hard to tell what the thoughts actually are. She takes a deep breath, keenly aware of her breathing, of Aveline's arms around her, of Papa's hands on hers. Her thoughts slow, die away, sliding behind the barrier. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Hawke," Varric says sharply, tightening his grip on her hands to try and bring her back. "Stay with us, stay here Hawke." Behind her, Aveline presses a kiss to Hawke's temple and squeezes her gently to assist with more stimulus.

[Marian Hawke]

Yes, Papa(master)? No, say it aloud. "Yes?" she whispers. 

[Tethras Clan]

Varric hesitates a moment. What was... did she... damnit, she did, didn't she? "How are you doing?" he asks tentatively.

[Marian Hawke]

How... Am I doing?  The question seems alien to her, as if she has trouble understanding the language. I am... I am with Papa and Aveline. I am content to serve. I know my place.

[Tethras Clan]

Deep breath. Keep it together. Deep breath. "What do you think about- about what we were talking about just now? About... breaking."

[Marian Hawke]

Breaking? (Merrill's dark eyes, wide with horror and pain)

[Tethras Clan]

Damn and double damn. Yeah, that's confirmed. "It's fine Hawke. Just... try and speak a little? We like hearing your voice," he says softly, finally wiping his face. Behind Hawke, Aveline's eyes close, an expression of grief on her face.

[Marian Hawke]

"Yes, sir," she whispers. I will do what it takes to make Papa happy.

[Tethras Clan]

"...thatta girl. I love you daughter," Varric says tightly. One day we'll get you back. One day Hawke. Please be patient, please keep fighting. We need you back. We miss you so much.

[GamesMaster]

Leaving Peli to watch Hawke, as she's gone docile again, the group convenes in a communal eating area, sitting around one of the tables; they don't want to go all the way back to the pub, not when Aveline's staying here anyway. Anders promises himself not to judge this time, to listen to what Varric has to say and keep his temper better; Isabela holds Zevran's hand tightly, trying to lend him what support she can while the dwarf takes the lead. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Today... went pretty great until she rest the entire thing," Varric says simply, voice just a touch bitter.

"Why does she keep doing that?" Aveline asks, frowning. "If anything, Hawke normally has the opposite issue, remembering too much."

[GamesMaster]

"It's a defense mechanism: when the brain has been through a great trauma, sometimes it can begin selectively editing what it experiences or remembers in order to protect itself. It's one of the problems we hoped to solve via delving, actually, but the technique isn't there yet." Anders keeps his tone matter-of-fact.