Under Darkness [AU]

[GamesMaster]

The ermine doesn't even look at Aveline; this is Hawke's mind, but whatever this creature is, it doesn't answer to Hawke. If it answers to anything. Of course, it also doesn't move to bite Zevran, despite his being close by. 

[Tethras Clan]

Aveline sighs a little. "Fine."  With no more comment than that, the paladin moves to touch the beam of light.

[GamesMaster]

The light itself seems cosmetic; there's a faint echo of words, "Remember, Hawke," but that's all. The flower itself, on the other hand...

Jadan's face is bored as he reaches for his sword. "I'll make an end to this."

"Please, no!" The cry is ripped from [Aveline's] throat, as she's flooded with pure fear. His calm expression vanishes, replaced by a twisted mask of contempt and hatred. He doesn't bother making a reply, looking at her like she's so much dog shit he's stepped in as he thrusts his sword into her chest. She can't breathe, both from the pain, the collapsed lung, and the knowledge, the deep, unrelenting certainty that someone she loves more than anyone in the world has betrayed her. She tries to scream, but she can't, her lungs are filling with blood, the room grows dim, she's falling...

The memory is gentler releasing Aveline than it was to her mind, that's for sure. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Oh," Aveline says quietly, stepping back. "Remember Hawke," she quotes just as softly.

"Remember her what?" Varric asks urgently.

"No... you. I mean. The light is you. Remember, Hawke. Remember this, it's important. She whispers that sometimes," Aveline says distantly.

Varric pales a little, eyeing the flower with wariness. "...yeah. Yeah she does. I think... I think we should withdraw for now. We need to talk this over with Anders."

"Not yet," Wynne disagrees. "We should test a few more of these beds down here. And... see if we can figure out why some of them are empty."

[GamesMaster]

They retreat back a room, to the ermine's relief; it bounds back up onto Zevran's shoulder, cleaning its face nervously with its paws. Aveline touches a flower at random. 

Bethany shoves Mother aside, stepping forward to meet the demon. Then, with a sickly, wet sound, the demon's claws emerge out Bethany's back, wet with her blood. Time slows, [Aveline's] heart clenching in her chest, every bit as painful as the previous memory. There's a distant, keening wail, as if from miles away; it takes a moment to realize it's coming from her own lips. 

Bethany turns her head slightly, terror and pain writ across her face. "Marian?"

I failed her. I fail everyone. It's my fault she's dead.

The demon laughs, a discordant and broken noise that knows no joy, no mirth. Then with a sudden, savage twist, shreds and pulps Bethany's right lung. Bethany lets out a pained sob.

I can't forget this, ever. I can't forget the price of my failures. It should have been me. Every time, every death, should be me first, from now on.

[Tethras Clan]

Bulltshit! You were a child, it was not your place to protect people! Your life is worth just as much as anyone else's!

[GamesMaster]

Bethany taught me what being a hero means.

The demon laughs, a discordant and broken noise that knows no joy, no mirth. Then with a sudden, savage twist, shreds and pulps Bethany's right lung. Bethany lets out a pained sob.

Watch. Remember. Don't ever, ever forget. 

"One down." It pauses, then sniffs the air and shifts its gaze to Leandra, then Marian. "Shall old or young be next?" The demon grins, showing a toothy maw filled with mismatched fangs. "I think... young," it rasps out, its gaze still on Marian.

It was my fault.

[Tethras Clan]

It was not your fault. You were young. Untrained. It was the demon's fault. The one that summoned it.
 It was not your fault Hawke. Bethany would never blame you. Not ever. The way you've spoken of her, she loved you too much, was too good a person to blame you.

[GamesMaster]

She was too good to blame me. But I know whose fault it was. I was told every day afterward, until I learned it.

The memory ends there, booting Aveline back out into the garden violently. 

[Tethras Clan]

"May the Loathsome Pair rot and rend that foul and wretched bitch's soul for ten thousand years," Aveline bellows.

"...Leandra?" Varric asks after a moment.

"Guilt-tripping bitch," the paladin growls, starting to pace. "And the uncle and that stupid fuck of a brother."

[GamesMaster]

The temperature in the garden cools noticeably. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Stop defending her," Aveline snaps. "She was a horrid bitch that failed you in nearly every way a mother could. You deserves so much better than her."

[GamesMaster]

The ermine jumps from Zevran's shoulder to Aveline's, nipping her atop the ear before jumping down. It rushes for the doorway, where it pauses, looking back over its shoulder at Aveline, as if to see if she's coming. It's a tactic she's seen mabari use before. Which makes sense -- how does Hawke know what ermine are like, anyway? They might as well be doggos. 

[Tethras Clan]

Aveline scowls at the ermine and stomps after it. "You could have just bar- chittered or squeaked at me," she grumbles.

"I would not have thought of just... shouting at the darkness," Varric murmurs to Wynne, who looks back with a raised eyebrow.

 "It's working," she comments.

"Sure, but... still. Kind of... simplistic. Inelegant."

[GamesMaster]

The creature leads her through the twisty maze of dark rooms, finally stopping and leaping up onto a raised bed. It pushes a flower toward Aveline: a particularly large, nasty looking one. 

When she touches it, she finds herself in a familiar basement:

[Aveline] glances back, and time slows. Varric lies crumpled on the ground, struggling to breathe. Dying. It's already too late, but she rushes forward, desperate to reach him. 

I fail everyone. 

There's a sense of the memory skipping, of cutting ahead. She looks around the room, at Varric's now-breathing body. At Merrill, sweet innocent Merrill, weeping silently. And at Aveline, radiant, fierce Aveline. Aveline who only ever asked one thing of her: to stay with her, to let her protect her. To not break her heart the way Wesley did. 

She presses Bianca against her chest, her heart breaking for her Clan.

I fail everyone. I don't deserve to be loved.