Under Darkness [AU]

[Marian Hawke]

I was stabbed. Already it's getting hard to focus on the words -- but for Varric, for her Papa, she tries. I was stabbed, was killed. I died again. I left everyone behind, I hurt them. I have to remember. 

What is he asking me? "I died," she says, her voice dull as she looks up at him with unseeing eyes.

[Tethras Clan]

"...just for a second," he offers weakly. "But you're back. Alive and... alive. Here, with your family. You died... do you remember how?" Please Hawke, you have to say it. You have to accept it happened.

[Marian Hawke]

"I was stabbed." Again her voice is dull, distant, almost rote. Someone tried to kill me. Someone stabbed me. Someone... Someone important, someone I trusted. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Come on Hawke... put it together. Don't try and... edit things. Accept what happened. Who was in the room with you?" Just a little bit more... "Who stabbed you?" Say it Hawke, please, just say it outloud. Say the words so you can't hide from them anymore. Please Hawke, "for me, say it please."

[Marian Hawke]

It's the last bit that shatters her. "Jadan," she whispers, her heart breaking. "Jadan stabbed me. He murdered me. Because I... Because I freed his slaves." Tears stream down her face; she feels sick to her stomach as the temperature drops around her. Already she regrets speaking, regrets surrendering, regrets letting him ask this of her, regrets granting it. It's too much, I can't, I love him, we were going to get married, he was my world, my stars, my-- 

She breaks off her train of thought there, finally examining it. I... That's not me. That's not who I am. That's who Merrill is, she's the one who trusts me that much, who needs me. I'm her stars, and Zevran her moon. I used to be stronger than that.

[Tethras Clan]

"That's my girl," Varric says fiercely. Glad I thought to ask Peli for a ward against cold, just in case. "That's right. Jadan stabbed you. He hurt you. But it's gone now, can't hurt anyone, ever again." Body's ashed and salted, it'd take some serious fucking magic to bring even an undead back at this point "You're safe now. Merrill is safe. You can both get better now. We'll help, all of us."

[Marian Hawke]

"I... I'm not safe," she whispers, finally focusing on Varric with a haunted expression. What... What happened to me?! What did I... What have I done?

Something else registers then. Merrill. He said Merrill is safe like he's trying to convince me, like I should be worried. And why aren't I worried? Before I found her... How long had she been missing, and I didn't notice? Or, I knew but... I didn't quite.... She didn't want me to hug her. Merrill always wants hugs. The color drains from her face once more, and she bolts to her feet. "Merrill." Her whisper is pure fear this time.

[Tethras Clan]

Varric shifts so he's slightly in her way. "Is safe now," he repeats. "I promise. She's safe. One of the Daughters- Raplin's Daughters, the Tree- Look, she's safe. Still asleep, I'd wager. Being near the Tree is... really good for her. Evidently her... spirit mojo likes being here." He speaks quickly, needing to get enough words out to stop her before she does something bad for both of them.

[Marian Hawke]

To her credit, she listens; there was a time she might not have. Slowly, she lowers herself back onto the cot, nodding, the fire going out of her eyes as she calms and bows her head. She is quiet. Subdued.

Or... Submissive.

[Tethras Clan]

Fuck, that's not- fuck. "She'll want to see you tomorrow, I'm sure. Just... gently. Hells, if you're up for it though, I know Zevran would... well, okay, I may have sedated him, but you could check in on him if you wanted. He's... well, he really wants to be able to help right now and he doesn't know how." He pauses. "It was good to see that."

[Marian Hawke]

Sedated? Why would-- I died. Jadan killed me. I died right in front of him. Of course he's upset. Of course he hurts. And Merrill is... Nobody's there for Zevran anymore. I'm not going to be any good for him like this, and neither is Merrill. I failed him too, like I failed Jadan--Jadan killed me. I died. Maybe I deserved it but I have to remember that. It's important. What were we talking about?

It was good to see that? "See...?"She whispers.

[Tethras Clan]

"See you being... you. Passionate and protective, fiercely in love with your Clan," Varric says soberly. "It's good to know you're still in there. Knew you were, but it's always nice to see you're right, eh?" He offers a smile, then slowly reaches out, letting her decide if she wants to take his hand.

[Marian Hawke]

She nods, suppressing a small whimper as she does. How bad must I look, for him to doubt me? For him to doubt that I-- oh, Papa, I'm so sorry. I've made a right mess of this. I should have hugged you right away when I woke, I should have asked how you've been, I should have... cared. I just couldn't bring myself to...

"Of course," she whispers, tears welling up in her eyes. "I never stopped loving you." 

[Tethras Clan]

"I know," Varric says gently. "I never doubted that. Neither did Zevran or Aveline. You're hurting, hurting bad. It's okay that you're not... doing all that well. It's okay." He stops an inch or two from her hand, hovering his there in silent question.

[Marian Hawke]

She stares at his hand for a moment, uncomprehending. Why doesn't he want to touch me?  she wonders, before she realizes what the problem is. Swallowing, she reaches for his hand, taking it gently. Papa... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I messed everything up, I should never have gone with him, never have loved him, never have--

"I'm sorry," she whispers, her face wrinkling with pain and grief. 


Zevran wakes slowly, his mouth cotton-dry with the after-effects of the drug. Despite the feeling, despite his grogginess, he can't miss the most glaring sign: there's someone in the room with him. He can hear their breathing, quite close by though not actually in the bed with him -- likely, beside the bed.