Under Darkness [AU]

[Marian Hawke]

Nothing? How can you say that-- Jadan is down--

Her throat closes, her eyes widening in alarm as she takes his meaning. Her stomach heaves, but she keeps her mouth firmly closed, forbidding the contents to reappear. No. I failed him that badly? He's... he's gone? As the nausea subsides, she closes her eyes, tears sliding down her cheeks in silence. Jadan...

[Tethras Clan]

Varric studies her a for a moment, emotions churning in his gut. After... after what it did to you, after all that... she's still crying over... No, think it through. It had managed to fool dozens, hundreds of people for years. Set itself up as a popular, thriving merchant, under everyone's noses. Some of the deals that were pulled off, the connections made... a con artist of the highest caliber, and, like as not, a damn good thrall mage. Never found iron-clad proof but once I really started digging into things... "What's the last thing you remember?" he finally asks, nearly all of the curtness smoothed from his voice.

[Marian Hawke]

"We were arguing," she whispers, hands balling into fists. Useless fists. Pointless. Nothing to fight, no-one left to save. "I asked too much of him, too fast, but I-- I couldn't, you understand, I just couldn't."

[Tethras Clan]

Too much, too fast? Are you fucking ser- No. Control. Firm, unyielding control. "And do you remember how... your argument ended?"

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke looks at her lap, eyes open now, making no move to wipe the tears.

It was.. bad. Something bad. He hit me? No, he's struck me before, that I'd recall. He... Still, her mind recoils from the memory, refusing to show it to her. When did Varric arrive? What did he see that lead to... did I hurt Jadan? Is that what...?

[Tethras Clan]

Taking a deep breath, Varric finally whispers, "Merrill reacted fast enough that at least you won't be getting a new scar out of this." A tense pause. "Well. Not from that blow," he adds bitterly.

[Marian Hawke]

A scar -- so he hit me, then. Badly, if that's any indication. Oh, Papa... I wish you hadn't had to see that. "That's not.." she whispers, helplessly. "He has... anger issues. He doesn't mean to.."

[Tethras Clan]

"Carver," Varric says succinctly. Just that. Just one word, one name.

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke lowers her head, hands trembling. I thought I was better than this now. I guess not. I guess it's like I thought -- I am a firebrand, I will always cause strife. It would be better if I didn't return to Nyra.

[Tethras Clan]

Varric sighs a little. "You up for eating?" he ask. "Helene's evidently a decent cook, made some porridge. Good meal should help... sooth you a bit. You're a bit shocky right now."

[Marian Hawke]

She pauses a moment, the effort of changing tracks mentally noticable -- a sign he is probably right. "Yeah," she whispers. "Who is Helene?"

[Tethras Clan]

"Seeker Helene. An oracle that... well, they felt indebted so they were willing to tag along and help find you," Varric says. "Samasarn- blue skin, pure silver-white eyes, dark hair. They prefer they and them, by the way. Singular, but not gendered. And older than they look, it's a divine burden thing. Details aren't important, I just didn't want you to be confused if you see what looks like a kid with us. Helene's older than any of you."

[Marian Hawke]

He's rambling. No jokes either. Must have been real bad. Well, I knew that, since I blacked out and all. Head wound? They bleed more than -- but he knows that. 

She nods. 

[Tethras Clan]

Without having to get up, Varric just leans to the side and pulls out a covered bowl. He mutters over it for a moment and change, then hands it to her. "You, uh, need help eating or..?" he asks, sounding a bit awkward at the idea of having to feed a grown woman. Willing, but awkward.

[GamesMaster]

She does not; she eats, her hand trembling a little, but managing well enough. Her eyelids are drooping again by the time she gets to the bottom of the bowl, and she sleeps another few hours, until it's properly day and they're ready to head out once more.

This is when the next problem develops. Merrill, it seems, can't so much as look at Zevran without shaking, and can't abide the touch of anyone but Varric. The party splits; Helene, Varric, and Merrill trail behind, while Zevran, Hawke, and the two hired mercs go on ahead to scout the way. It's only a day of travel, after all, before they emerge near Raplin's Oak, and they agree to press on through the night rather than make two camps. 

Once at Raplin's, they remain split up; the hirlings are dismissed, and Zevran takes Hawke to 'the best mind healer you have', which turns out to be a gnome named Granny Peli, while Varric takes Merrill to Minerva, a hamadryad whose childlike form is similar enough to Helene not to trigger her too badly. Hawke doesn't speak much to Zevran while they travel, giving short, soft answers to his questions, and avoiding looking him in the eye. Eventually, he leaves her with Peli, heading back to the inn to exchange information with Varric. 

When Varric goes to visit Hawke the next day, he's surprised to be turned away -- and even more surprised to be told that his daughter won't be returning to Nyra, by her own choice.