Under Darkness [AU]

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke whimpers. "I'll hurt you," she whispers. "I know it-- I know I bother you. Being like this. It'll only be worse if... I try, I try to be better around you."

[Tethras Clan]

"You shouldn't hide your pain from your healers. Your family," Aveline snaps, then takes a deep breath. Winces sharply. Another flare of healing and she relaxes. "Glad you're still shite with a blade," she mutters. "I... I don't- I didn't want to... crowd you. But I am now. I'm not leaving you alone anymore. Ever. And if I have to, I'll use a truthing to make sure you're being honest about how you're feeling."

[Marian Hawke]

"Why?" she whispers, closing her eyes. "Why do you still love me, still protect me, after all I did to you?"

[Tethras Clan]

"...because... because you reminded me what love was. What... living was," Aveline answers softly. "Because... because everything you've done, was done for noble reasons, for love. You... you died to save us, to save Nyra. I... I've spoken with mages, about the... Mori ritual. If you hadn't... focused it inward, it would have... It would have killed thousands, at least. Perhaps half of Nyra."  Unspoken is 'including me, Merrill, Varric and likely the rest of our Clan.'

"And... this was... we all left you, aside from Merrill. You were... hurt, lost and... we left you. You fell for a lie, but you loved that lie. It's not a sin to make a mistake. He used you, hurt you and... degraded you. But that's not... I hate him, not you. Never you."

[Marian Hawke]

"I hurt Merrill," she whispers. "You've seen what-- I'm sure you know what was done to her. I did that. I caused that."

[Tethras Clan]

Aveline takes a deep breath. "You were... part of that," she allows. "This... Jadan," she spits the name, "used you like a weapon to hurt her. But if you want to make up for that, killing yourself isn't the way. You're her... foundation. She needs you."

[Marian Hawke]

"She flinched away from me," Hawke whispers. "She was afraid of me."

[Tethras Clan]

"Hawke... she's afraid of everyone right now," Aveline says. "Everyone but Varric and Minerva," she corrects herself. "Anders... Anders called it triggering characteristics or something like that. She's afraid of anyone with darker hued skin and females. The only female she lets get within ten feet- aside from Silence, I suppose- is Minerva and she's both one of Raplin's Daughters and has the body of a little girl."

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke nods, trying to take that in. Trying to believe it. Trying to trust. She takes a deep breath in through her nose -- and pauses as the scent of Aveline, of home and Clan and protection assaults her memory.

Aveline whispers softly, "you break me, Amata."

Avaline's strong arms close around her, and she is safe. She is always safe here.

Aveline's laugh, exasperated but joyful. "Hawke."

Aveline's face, terrified, pale, as she lunges forward with no thought to her own safety, her foot coming down on The Gem.

"Don't lie to me. I can't... I can't live with that. Tell me the truth or tell you can't."

Aveline's arms. Aveline's shield. Aveline's heart. Aveline.

After several deep breaths, she whispers, in a very different tone, "Aveline, I... I'm scared. Please, I need you. I need you to protect me. I... There isn't much left, but... Please. Help me. Love me. Stay with me."

[Tethras Clan]

Aveline is silent a moment, staring into Hawke's eyes. "I swear my shield to your protection, Marian Hawke of Clan Tethras. I swear my honor to your cause, Marian Hawke of Clan Tethras. I swear my soul to your love, Marian Hawke of Clan Tethras. With Vangal's blessing and in Astea's name, I swear I will guard and serve you for all my life, amata."

This is too much. Insane. I've only known you for a few years, only dated for a few months. You're a criminal and an adventurer, not that the two things are far apart in most cases. You're probably going to end up with a dozen other people in your bed, in your heart. You're broken and hurting and- Vangal protect you, Astea love you, Bastion heal you, please oh please pleasepleaseplease...

I don't care. I'm tired of fighting my heart. I'm tired of duty and safety. I just want to love you.

"I'll not abandon you again. Not ever," Aveline swears, tears flowing freely now.

[Marian Hawke]

"Maorai," she whispers, in a broken sob of relief. She reaches up, entangling her fingers in Aveline's hair. "Maorai. My shield, my hope, my beacon."

[Tethras Clan]

Crying in earnest herself, Aveline lowers her head to kiss Hawke for the first time in far, far too long. As she does so, the hold she has on Hawke shifts from pin to embrace and the paladin presses her body tightly against the magus.

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke kisses her fiercely, pulling her in close, holding her tightly. As Aveline's hands roam over her body, however, she pulls back, her kiss becoming more gentle, less enthusiastic. 

[Tethras Clan]

Aveline stills for a moment, then her hands move back to Hawke's waist and back. "Sorry," she mumbles weakly, resting her head against Hawke's. "I... I got carried away, I guess." I thought you might want... need to... stupid. This isn't regular Hawke. She's hurting and broken, you can't just- gods. "Sorry, amata," she repeats in a whisper, feeling a bit ashamed of herself.

[Marian Hawke]

"Mi--" she begins, but stops herself with visible effort. "Maorai," she whispers. "Never, never apologize to me. I-- just, not yet. Please."