Under Darkness [AU]

[Marian Hawke]

She looks at her lap. "Why?" she whispers.

[Tethras Clan]

"...a few reasons," Varric offers. "One, you're alive and things that are alive want things. Two, it makes us happy to please you, and if you don't want anything, we can't. Three, it's a step to being... more complete."

[Marian Hawke]

"Beka is alive. She wants nothing more than to be by Aveline's side, to please her, to obey. She makes Aveline happy, and she's complete."

[Tethras Clan]

Laying down a dozen feet or so away, the mabari raises her head to watch her peoples talk about her.

"Beka also wants to play, even when Aveline is tired from work. She wants to eat table scraps- or better- instead of chuck meat. She wants to sleep in on winter mornings, to stay inside when it's nasty out. Beka might take her cues from Aveline most of the time, but she has her own desires," Varric disagrees.

Deciding that they're just being weird, the mabari settles back into her doze. Maybe we can hunt the ball later. Ball is fun.

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke nods, deep in thought. She doesn't surface for a long moment -- too long to still be thinking.

[Tethras Clan]

"Hey," Varric says gently, giving her a slight shake to try and bring her back to now.

[Marian Hawke]

She starts a little as she looks up, focusing on his face again. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Hey. Welcome back. How're you doing?" he asks gently.

[Marian Hawke]

What was I... doing? It's hard to recall. They were talking about... something. She'd been deep in thought. It doesn't matter, I guess.

She gives a shy smile, trying to reassure him.

[Tethras Clan]

"So... what do you think? About wants and desires?" he prods her, trying to hide his worry.

[Marian Hawke]

Wants and desires -- we were talking about that, weren't we? Well surely he sees I can't. I'm only a toy. It's better that way.

Jadan read aloud, Hawke's head in his lap, Merrill sitting on the floor beside her, holding her hand. 'For desire is the source of all ills. Suffering is the lot of mortals, and desire is the cause of suffering. Surrender that desire, and the mind is free. Know your place, learn it well, and want for nothing, and nothing will trouble you.' 

She shakes her head, still silent. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Hawke... please remember to verbalize. You have to talk to us or we won't understand you," Varric chides her.

[Marian Hawke]

She is quiet for a moment longer. Then, she recites from memory, in the same tone as which she read the book earlier: "This is the truth of suffering: birth is suffering, aging is suffering, illness is suffering, death is suffering; union with what is displeasing is suffering; separation from what is pleasing is suffering; not to get what one wants is suffering. Life as we are taught to experience it is suffering." She pauses, glancing up at him briefly before going on: "This is the truth of the origin of suffering: it is desire for that which we cannot have; desire for that which we feel we ought to have; desire for that which we used to have; desire for what we want to become, or desire for that which we were. This is the truth of the cessation of suffering: the surrender of desire, the relinquishing of it. The place in which one finds one's self is the only place in which one could have found one's self, and the only place with which one must concern one's self. When desire is relinquished, the mind is free. If one seeks only to fulfill one's obligations, one will find true joy."

[Tethras Clan]

Varric stares a moment. "...what kind of bullshit is-" he shakes his head. "Hawke, that's moronic dribble. Even if you don't want anything, you can still suffer. And there's a lot more you'll lose than gain with that sort of thinking."

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke lowers her eyes to her lap once more, taking a slow breath.