Under Darkness [AU]

[Marian Hawke]

"What do you... what do you tell her? What does she ask?" Hawke whispers, nestling back against Aveline instinctively, as though more contact would intensify the anti-fear aura. 

[Tethras Clan]

Zevran wiggles around so he's on the other side of Hawke, facing her, so he can stare at her unabashedly. Grinning, he leans forward to kiss her forehead, then her nose. He starts for her lips, then redirects to her nose again.

"Mostly about how you're doing," Aveline answers.  "She's been fretting over you're being asleep this last week, hence the six new blankets. She made one for each of us. Yours was first though," she adds with a smile. "She likes to know what you get up to. If you played with Beka or went for a walk or... whatever. She's... hinted, a few times this week, that maybe if the weather stays nice, maybe she could find 'someone' to play catch with."

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke closes her eyes against the tears. "I can't," she whispers. "Looking at her... Remembering what I did to her... What He-- It-- made me do..."

[Tethras Clan]

"That's right," Zevran says quickly. "Made you do. This wasn't your fault."

Aveline holds Hawke a little tighter. "Hawke, do you trust me? Do you trust my faith, my god?"

[Marian Hawke]

"I-- I want to trust you, but... but I--" she whimpers.

[Tethras Clan]

Aveline fights very hard to not hurt at her reply. And she succeeds insomuch as she doesn't physically react to Hawke's words aside from a long, slow breath. "But what?" she finally asks.

[Marian Hawke]

"You say things and I can't believe them," she whispers. "You treat me like I'm worth something. I can't-- I can't accept that."

[Tethras Clan]

"...Hawke, after... after being in your mind, seeing what was done to you, what you were forced to do..." Zevran sighs, a shuddering breath, then forces out the words he needs her to hear. "I killed children. Innocent youths, because that was my mission. Because my Master ordered that there be no witnesses. Am I evil?" he asks, voice trembling as he stares into her eyes. "Can you still l-love me?"

[Marian Hawke]

"Always," she whispers. "But if you hurt Aveline the way I hurt her... if you hurt Papa the way I did... I could never forgive you." 

[Tethras Clan]

"Even if it wasn't his choice?" Aveline asks softly. "If... if someone put a knife in his hand, then forced his hand to stab me, would you still blame him?" Killed children? Gods, Zevran, what was done to you? Aveline doesn't even really notice the change in her thoughts, the difference in how she would have reacted to that reveal not half a year ago.

[Marian Hawke]

"But I did choose," she whispers. "I choose over and over, and I choose things that hurt the ones I love most. I choose Jadan, and Anders, and that gem."

[Tethras Clan]

"No," Zevran whispers fiercely. "Not just consent, but informed consent. With the gem, you made a mistake and were punished far out of proportion. With Anders..."

"Anders wasn't a bad choice," Aveline says softly. "He was hurting... broken. But you helped fix him. And... and now he's returning the favor by helping to fix you when you're hurt."

Zevran nods. "And... and for Jadan... that was betrayal. You were lied to, tricked and controlled. You... you tried to find comfort and were repaid for your trust and good intentions with betrayal, pain and cruelty. That was not your fault."

"You trusted the wrong person, yes, but he was very good at... appearing to be a good person. Charming and understanding. And... and we left you. When you needed our support, I walked away and-and- gods, I'm sorry Hawke. If I had been braver, had been able to admit I loved you sooner, this never would have happened," Aveline says, hot tears mingling with Hawke's hair.

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke takes a deep, shuddering breath, and lets it out slowly. "Aveline, can I-- can I ask you... please, I just need to know if i'm... if I'm still..." she fumbles for words. 

[Tethras Clan]

"You're not evil," Aveline says gently. "That's what- where I was going with my questions. At the start. None of us are evil," she assures Hawke. "In fact... if you like..." She glances at Zevran, who nods a little. "There are spells that can block divinations, but... nothing stops a properly aimed Smite from working. Would that make you feel better? It doesn't hurt," she adds quickly. Not unless I hit you, which, obviously, I won't.

[Marian Hawke]

"Please," she whispers, trembling slightly as she begs. "Please."