Under Darkness [AU]

[Marian Hawke]

Yes, yes yes, tell her yes, of course she can write me again, I can-- I can write to her if she wants, I can write or visit or-- or anything. Anything she wants. I have to help her ,have to make it up to her. If I can- if I can help her get Zevran back-- 

"Tell her I'll write?" she says quietly. "If that's allowed."

[Tethras Clan]

"Yeah. Yeah, I think Anders would be happy to hear that. Merrill too, obviously. There's a little bit more though." He pauses to clear his throat, then finishes. "I love you, my guiding stars, my first friend, my first love, my hope. Please be well. Merrill Tethras. PS- even if you don't want to write, please tell Papa if you want a pillow or a bigger blanket next."

[Marian Hawke]

Merrill Tethras. She thinks the name like a caress. Then I'll just be Marian Hawke. She deserves Papa more.

"A pillow, I think. But only if it helps her to keep busy. I don't need anything." she says quietly. 

[Tethras Clan]

Varric hesitates a moment. "I think she'd want you to be a Tethras too," he says carefully. "She... she asked me, if she could use it. Because that's how she thinks of you."

[Marian Hawke]

("I want a baby with your smile") But I ruined that, we can't have that anymore. It's over.

"We'll just... just play it by ear."

[Tethras Clan]

"'I miss you. I miss being held by you.  I love you, my Stars. Hope of being with you again, gives me hope.' It's not over Hawke. It's... paused. Give it time, you can get it back," Varric says gently, reaching out to take her hand firmly.

[Marian Hawke]

I don't deserve her forgiveness. She sighs. "I'll write to her. I'll see what... what happens from there. For now... let's just read, okay?" 

[Tethras Clan]

"Alright. A pillow and you'll write her," Varric says. "That's enough for today. You want a story about a Junon knight fighting a group of worg riding bandits with his bumbling and yet divinely lucky squire or a romance story about a noble woman and her maid-in-waiting?"

As it turns out, they read both before finally heading in for the day. That night, Hawke goes to sleep in Aveline arms as always, but her Papa is is there as well, holding her hand all through the night.

[GamesMaster]

Anders regards his patient carefully as she consumes the last of the cucumber sandwiches. Tea time was a good chance to gauge Merrill's mental state before digging into the issues at hand, to determine how hard he's going to push her today. Today seemed to be a good day; she was alert, responsive, and full of chatter. It was a good day for good news. And yet... he worried, sometimes, about delivering news in the wrong way and turning a good day into a bad one. It was part of the healing process, he knew. She needed to hear what he had to deliver, especially if the pair were to get back together. But it was going to hurt, and he wanted to ensure he timed it correctly. 

"I do have some news for you," he says slowly, as she finishes the sandwich. "If you're feeling up to hearing it. It's about Marian." 

[Tethras Clan]

"Hawke?" Merrill says, gaze snapping to Anders instantly. "Is she okay? Is she hurt? Can I help? Is something wrong, please say no, she's been hurt so much already I couldn't- please say she's getting better." You have to pause if you want people to reply, kiddo. Oh right, sorry Papa... "Okay done sorry," she finishes, then stares at him expectantly.

[GamesMaster]

He's already holding up his hands, palms out, in a placating gesture. "She's still on the mend. There's been no significant downturn. She's physically unharmed, and she's still here at the Oak, being cared for. The news I have pertains to the letter you sent her. It can entirely wait if you're feeling on edge or nervous," he adds, studying her closely. "But I thought you might like to know how it was received, if you're up for it." 

[Tethras Clan]

"Yes, yes, of course yes. Did- did she read it? Did she- does- does- want to write me? Can I write her? Does she want a pillow? Yes please, I'd like to know now. Please." Merrill is breathing, rapidly, in and out, hands wringing in front of her as she begins to pace.

[GamesMaster]

"She does want a pillow," says Anders, with a soft chuckle. "I have her reply here. I thought i might read it to you?" 

[Tethras Clan]

"Yes okay, that's good. A pillow? Okay. Okay. I can do a pillow. Oh why did I suggest I can make a pillow? I've never made a pillow before! I mean, it sounds easy, just two shirts without sleeves that are stuffed and sown together. Which doesn't really sound like a shirt at all anymore. Or even two shirts." Merrill's pacing speeds up in tempo, then she stops suddenly and bends over a bit, hand on her knees

"Breath Merrill. Deep breaths. In and out. Breath Merrill. Focus on now. In and out. Okay. Okay. I can do this." Rather tellingly, all but that last bit was in dwarven. Straightening up, she turns to Anders. "What did Hawke write?"

[GamesMaster]

Anders watches her carefully, ready to step in if she starts to sound less like Merrill and more like Panic Attack Merrill. As he does, however, he slides a folded piece of parchment out of his coat pocket and waits. 

"I'm going to take it slow, alright? Stop me if it gets to be too much," he warns, as he unfolds it. "Also, I'm not going to be able to do her tone justice, but I'll at least read the words."