Under Darkness [AU]

[Tethras Clan]

"I would never hurt-" Merrill's throat closes off and she sways. "...okay," she whispers, slipping into her room so Hawke can come in the small office/living room of her tiny suite. "I- I-I won't fail her again."

[GamesMaster]

Anders sighs. "Varric, do you want this room or the bedroom?" he asks quietly, as he moves to open the door for Hawke and Aveline. As the ladies enter, he heads after Merrill, closing the door between them so that he can sit with her on the far side. 

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke follows Aveline, her head high but her eyes unseeing, looking through the world rather than at it. She walks quietly, not seeming to register Varric, until Aveline gently guides her to the door. Then she sits in the office chair, hands folded neatly in her lap, looking down at them. Waiting to be addressed.

[Tethras Clan]

As soon as Anders walks out of the room, Varric quietly sips a small vial. This is... going to be very (fucking painful)delicate. Best to use every tool we have (even if I feel guilty breaching her- their- privacy like this).

Aveline takes a deep breath, then takes a seat on the ground next to Hawke, one hand reaching up to rest on the merikos elf's knee in support. In the bedroom, Anders can see Merrill tense as the door opens, then noticeably relax when Aveline's aura settles in around her.

Once they're settled in, Varric clears his throat. "Alright. Go ahead and say hi, daughter mine," the dwarf says quietly. "When you're ready."

[Marian Hawke]

I should say hi. Merrill. Mistress, Merrill, I need-- what do you need from me? How can I even begin to make this right? With hi. 

"Hi," she whispers. idiot. She won't hear that. Louder. "Hi."

[Tethras Clan]

"Hawke? Hawke, you came!" Merrill voice rings out from behind the door with evident relief. "It's- it's really good to hear your voice. I miss you so much."

[Marian Hawke]

She missed me. Mistress missed me. She really does love me, even after I hurt her so badly, even after I (don't think about it) I don't deserve her love (don't think about it) She breathes deeply, hands beginning to quiver.

"I miss you too, Merrill," she replies softly. 

[Tethras Clan]

"How- how have you been? You've... you're pretty quiet. Ummm. Worried about you," Merrill replies tentatively.

Varric drifts over to Hawke, resting a hand on her shoulder. "Deep breath Hawke," he murmurs. "Remember, this is Merrill. Your love."

[Marian Hawke]

"Me?" she says, a little startled. "You don't need to worry about me." I don't deserve your worry, your concern (the last thing I want is to make Merrill worse).

"I'm fine," she adds, a little bolder. "I didn't sleep well," Blood running down Merrill's back, Merrill's dark eyes full of pain, 'how could you do this to me', 'i hate you!', Merrill's fingers like claws rending flesh, only what I deserve "so i'm a little tired is all." 

[Tethras Clan]

Merrill makes a soft, sad noise. "Oh, you alway did suffer with sleep. Having it, and doing well without it. You should ask Anders for a tonic. Oh! Did I mention I started your pillow? I wanted to ask what kind of filling you like?"

"That's good, daughter mine," Varric whispers. "I know it's hard. Just try and remember it's Merrill. You love her and she loves you."

[Marian Hawke]

I love her (always always always) and she says she loves me but I don't deserve it but (stop it).

"Yeah. I've had a tonic this morning. Different tonic. So there's that." 

[Tethras Clan]

"That's good," Merrill says kindly. "Anders is very handy," she adds, giving Anders a smile. "I'm glad he can help you too."

"Pillow," Varric promptly Hawke as a reminder.

[Marian Hawke]

"The pillow... I don't know what the options are?" she asks quietly. "Whatever m-- you think is best." She recovers from the fumble rapidly, the 'm' almost imperceptible, but to Varric, who heard the sentence in her head as Whatever mistress thinks is best, it's obvious and glaring. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Hawke..." Varric says gently, rubbing her shoulder. "She's Merrill. Your lover."

"Ummm. Well. It could be just cotton padding. Or wool. Or down feathers. Or slow-flow rubber," Merrill offers, getting an amused snort from Varric despite himself at the last. Only (daughter) Merrill would think to use several hundreds of gold in complicated alchemical product (I could make it pretty easy though) to stuff a pillow. Though... it would be pretty damn comfortable. Very supportive. Huh (I could probably sell that).

[Marian Hawke]

I know she is. I know. She's Merrill. She's only pretend-mistress, not really Mistress. I just have to make her happy. That's all.

"Cotton padding is fine. You don't have to go to any trouble for me." Hawke twists her hands around each other, rubbing at the back of her left hand with her right thumb even as she twists and bends the fingers of her right.