Under Darkness [AU]

[Tethras Clan]

"Are you sure? Cotton works, but it gets flat easily and has to be replaced... So does wool. They're similar but wool is heavier. Ummm. Down feathers are the softest but some people don't like soft pillows. The rubber would probably be really neat. It would stay in the shape you put it in for a bit and be very supportive. And not super heavy either. Oh! And sometimes, if you like a lot of support, we can use buckwheat shells. They rustle though, which can be good if you like that sort of noise. Or not good if it's annoying?"

Varric laughs softly, nudging Hawke with a smile. "Nice to hear her give a good ramble, yeah?"

[Marian Hawke]

"Yes," she says softly, her voice -- and mind -- full of tenderness and love. "Do what you think is best," she adds. "I trust your judgement."

[Tethras Clan]

"Ummmm... well... okay. How about... oh! I know! I can ask you things and then match you!" Merrill says brightly. In the bedroom, Anders can see her freeting with her hands, picking at the hem of her sleeves. "So, ummm, do you like soft or firm pillows?"

[GamesMaster]

Anders watches her hands, wanting to reach out and take her hand to comfort her -- but not wanting to spook her, or make her feel restricted. So instead, he gives her space, a gentle smile on his face. She's doing so well, it's good to see.

[Marian Hawke]

Whatever Mistress desires. No, she wants you to have an opinion. Pick one.

"Firm," she says, twisting her hands. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Firm! I can do firm. Do you like swishy, umm, bead noises?" Merrill asks. "Or would noises under your head bother you at night?"

[Marian Hawke]

"It won't bother me." I don't want to make any trouble. I won't sleep much anyway. If I take tonics, I sleep like Merrill does, and won't notice. 

[Tethras Clan]

"...Hawke?" Merrill says, voice trembling. "Why... I know noises bother you. You always have trouble sleeping."

[Marian Hawke]

She flinches, as though struck. She-- of course she knows. I need to be more careful, pick better lies. 

"The, I take-- I take tonics now. Frequently. I... it... I don't... I don't sleep lightly anymore." it's so exhausting to keep talking, to keep pretending, but I have to, I can't let Merrill see how tired I am, how small I feel.

[Tethras Clan]

"...speaking of which, Hawke is about due for a nap," Varric says gently, but loud enough for Merrill to hear. "So... how about... what're the other options for firm, daughter younger?"

Merrill sniffles a little, clearly about to protest the talk being cut short, but subsides at Anders giving a pointed look. "...the slow-flow rubber. Or wool."

"Great. I can make the rubber, so how about we try that out? And if it works out great, them we could make start marketing them. Hawke can be the forerunner of a whole new fad."

[GamesMaster]

Anders flashes Merrill a warm, relieved smile, trying to encourage her. 

[Marian Hawke]

No, it's fine, I can do this. I'm fine. I don't need to-- I'm fine. "Rubber works," she says, her voice coming out softer, meeker. No, no no, stop it, she wants Hawke, not Pet. Be more like Hawke. "Thank you, my love." 

[Tethras Clan]

"A little bit longer," Varric allows. "But just a little bit."

"Rubber works," Merrill repeats, sounding pleased. "Oh! If Papa is helping me and you're testing it- it's almost like a family project!"

[Marian Hawke]

Hawke doubles over, pressing her forehead to her knees, tears flooding her pants. Family project. Family. We're a family. She thinks of us as a family. Papa, papa, I need you so much, but if I can't be around Merrill, it's best for her to be with Papa. Papa will take care of her if I fail her, when I fail her. Papa and Merrill will be okay when I'm gone.

"Yes," she gasps out, trying to sound as normal as possible. "Yes, it's like that. A-- A good project."

[Tethras Clan]

Varric shifts around, moving to hug her from the side even as Aveline does much the same. "Hawke?" Merrill asks in concern. Not a lot of it, Hawke did fairly well, but she'd still picked up that something was wrong.

"You are family," Varric murmurs. "You are. And we'll all be a family. Together, all of us."