Under Darkness [AU]

[Tethras Clan]

"Yes, of cour-" Seli stops, glancing back at the group of toddlers. And then darts over to stop one from sticking handful of dirt in... her mouth? His mouth? "I..." she begins helplessly.

"Seli, do you need a hand with something?" a young merikos orc asks, eyeing Zevran and Isabela warily.

"Neqik, thank Ciren. Could you watch my class for just a few minutes? Joyous Gallen will be be in five minutes or so to collect them, I just... just watch them and make sure they don't eat the dirt. Or the flowers," Seli says with relief, standing back up to hug Neqik tightly. "

"Umm, wha... okay?"

That handled, Seli rushes back over to the two Clan. "Please, follow me. I have a room here now," she tells them before moving to gather up what must be her two infants.

[Isabela]

So they separated for sure, then. Isabela wasn't expecting any differently, really. She just hoped. This is going to be hard to report back. 

[Tethras Clan]

The room Seli leads them to is very simple and fairly small. Just a single room, most of the area taken up by bed, wardrobe and crib, with a small carpeted area to allow someone to move between them. Seli hesitates a moment, clearly realizing how cramped this will be, as she sets the infants into the crib. As she does so, the glowing dots rise up from the baskets and settle on the crib. Evidently, they're tiny... faeries? Or something. Seli doesn't seem worried about them though, so...

"Umm, I don't really have..." the priestess trails off as she looks around.

Zevran takes a seat at the end of the bed, then tugs Isabela onto his lap. "This is fine," he says kindly.

[Isabela]

Isabela throws her arm around Zevran's shoulders, her pose casual: two lovers, in each others arms, hanging out. Her tone, her words, are anything but.

"Hawke was... stolen, let's say," she begins. "She's been damaged, severely. We've been helping her recover at Raplin's Oak, but she's still not ready to come back to Nyra. We've come to get her things, and to deliver a letter she wanted to send to you."

[Tethras Clan]

"Stolen," Seli says numbly. And she's... writing a Joyous, whom she'd already been turning to for sex advice. Oh Ciren no. Oh Ciren... "How ba-ad?" she asks, voice cracking.

"...bad," Zevran says softly. "Mind magics and... grooming. For months. And... M-Merrill was... abused as w-w-well," he manages to force out.

Seli gasps, eyes closing in pain. "Merrill? Is... She- Hawke never used names. She... doesn't matter. Gods, I-" she falls silent, trying to center herself, get control of herself. "I'm sorry, it's been hard these last few months and- gods, I'm sorry, my life isn't that bad compared to-"

[Isabela]

"Yeah," whispers Isabela. "I know the feeling." She takes a deep breath, then offers the letter for Seli. 

"Whatever she said, I-- We've been trying to keep positive. To treat her as if she's still... still Hawke, deep down. If you need, I can translate whatever she said for you, if it's... confusing. Varric read over it before we left, so I'm sure it's not... he would have edited if it was too bad. But it's probably going to be rough." 

[Tethras Clan]

Seli nods jerkily, staring at the latter. She visibly readies herself, then takes it to read. As she does so, Zevran presses his face against Isabela's shoulder to steady them both.

[Marian Hawke]

Dear Seli,

I'm sorry I haven't been in touch. I've missed you a lot. You've probably  had the babies by now. Are they cute? I assume they're adorable. They'd have to be, coming from you.

I've been...

I haven't been well. But I'm getting better. Or at least that's what Lawful tells me. (It feels silly using the old codenames again. It's been way too long.) 

I'm probably not coming back to Nyra for a long, long time. I hope we can be penpals? Or, if possible, could you visit me in Raplin's Oak? I'll pay for your stay. I probably still have money somewhere. I should ask Grumpy about that. 

I need... to ask you...I met someone, you see, and I need help with that. With some of the things he taught me. I hope... 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I really wanted this to be a casual breezy letter only I have to ask you things and I can't think about them without having a bad day. So I'm really sorry. But I'm going to have to write you on a bad day. 

When I was with Master, he taught me things. I enjoyed those things. I know that makes me a bad person. I know I'm a horrible person but AvLawful doesn't believe me I'm sorry. I hurt Fleur, she was so innocent and pure and I broke her for Master, made her into a toy, and I can't, she can't, she said she forgives me but I can't forgive myself. I did those things to her, and I hurt her badly, and I liked it. I did. 

I liked those things before Master too. I learned them from-- it doesn't matter. Please, can you tell Lawful they're bad? That I'm bad? That I shouldn't be forgiven?

I'm sorry. I miss you.
Hawke

[Tethras Clan]

Seli is crying by the fourth sorry. She's weeping by the fifth. She finishes, finally makes herself reread it, to be sure. She says something, but all that comes out is raspy exhale. Seli clears her throat, tries again, fails and then has to swallow repeatedly to fight back nausea.

"Do you... need help understanding any of it?" Zevran asks gingerly.

"...Merrill is Fleur? Or were there... three people... hurt?" Seli finally asks.

"...Merrill is our loving flower, yes," Zevran whispers, eyes closing again.

Seli nods, the movement jerky. "I... she mentioned... she asked me to visit and... gods, I hate to have to- she mentioned she could pay for me get there and-"

"Varric- her father, her Papa- he's rich. He can put you up if you- he wants her to be better. If you can help," Zevran says desperately.

"I... I can't promise but... I can at least answer the question she wrote in... this," the Joyous says weakly. "There's... there's nothing to keep me here really," she whispers sadly. "Just the temple and there are plenty of other Brights to help people in Nyra. My babes I can bring with me." She glances at the crib, the pain in her expression fading as she looks at her twins. Mostly.

[Isabela]

"It's going to be hard," Isabela says quietly. "If you come back with us, you can't quit halfway through. You'll be stuck there for a while, facing her like this every day. Are you sure you're up for it? Because I can bring back a letter and tell her your work keeps you here, if you want."

[Tethras Clan]

"I know," Seli says softly. "I've worked with sexual abuse cases before. Mostly children, but... I imagine it's not much different with an adult. They need to know that people won't abandon them. They need to build trust, which means you can't walk away and just... rotate someone else in. But I'm the best suited for this, by far. I was already working with her on exploring her sexuality, helping her understand herself, finding what labels and definitions she feels comfortable with. Helping her deal with the labels and definitions she's not comfortable with."

The Joyous takes a deep breath. "And besides that... I owe her. She saved my life, the lives of my children. She was my friend, perhaps my best friend and she saved us. And then I just... the birthing was rough and I was so busy trying to recover from that, take care of Tomas and Gilly and... and... other things. By the time I realized it'd been months since I'd seen Hawke, I couldn't find her." She shrugs a little. "And... and I'd like to leave Nyra. There's nothing here but regret and memories of loss."

[Isabela]

Isabela nods. "Then, welcome aboard. It'll be good to have you. Right now, I'm sort of our sex expert." She makes a face. "Don't get me wrong, I enjoy some slap-and-tickle, but this... I can't help her with this." 

[Tethras Clan]

Seli frowns a little, looking confused. "Isn't Midn-  ah, Zevran also rather an expert...?"

"I... the person that... took her was also... of tainted blo-"

[Isabela]

"Drow," Isabela snaps. "Merikos drow. Nothing more, nothing less."

[Tethras Clan]

Zevran hunches in a little- and not just at Isabela's interruption, but also Seli's hard look.

"Very well said, Miss Isabela," Seli says firmly. "I've had to deal with that sort of thinking more than enough with A-" A pause as her breath hitches. "With... another. Alright. I... how long are you staying? I'd need a least a few days to... settle things here but..."