Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Tethras Clan]

That's a face I've seen in the mirror more than once. "Come on, stand up," she says, voice firmer this time. "Wallowing doesn't help. Talking can help, moving around can help. We can just walk around, do some drills, spar... doesn't matter."

[Carver Amell]

"Why," he asks, his voice dull, hollow. "I'm no good anyway."

[Tethras Clan]

"You have a sound body. Strong arms, broad back. If nothing else, you have that. And I suspect there's more to you than just that anyway. From what I know, you're loyal. Brave, more than most. And you're stubborn, which is an oft maligned quality but one I think is worth more than it's often given credit for." Aveline takes a slow breath. 

[Carver Amell]

"I'm defective. I can't think right, I can't control my temper, I can't even protect Beth. I should have--" 

He breaks off, there, but it's all too clear from his expression what sort of thing he's thinking he should have.

[Tethras Clan]

"...been stronger? Smarter? Faster, more powerful, more skilled... Just... more?" Aveline asks gently. "Easy thoughts to fall into. Damned hard to fight off, but you have to. They're poison."

[Carver Amell]

He shakes his head. "Beth was hurt," he says, his tone flat, dull. "Someone had to... to do it. I should have done it. Marian made me promise to look after Beth but I should have made her look after Beth, she was the smart one."

[Tethras Clan]

"Survivor's guilt," Aveline murmurs, eyes closing with a familiar pang of pain. "That's a game no-one wins, I can promise you that. What happened, happened. You can't change it. You have to live with it."

[Carver Amell]

"How?" he whimpers. "Every day I find some new way to fuck everything up. Maybe they're better off without me."

[Tethras Clan]

"No," Aveline growls. "Never that. Everyone can help someone, can make things better in some way. You're young and mortal, fucking up is normal. Learn from it. Train, study, practice, whatever it takes."

[Carver Amell]

Carver flinches. "I'm... My tutor says I'm.... Damaged." Defective. "And I... Even if I tried taking vows, how can Vangal respect a man who hid behind his sister? Let her die?"

[Tethras Clan]

"Damage can be fixed. Worked around. Maybe ignored. Besides, after what you went through, you have to be damaged not to have been damaged." She frowns. "And what's wrong with a woman protecting you?"

[Carver Amell]

"I guess nothing but... some shield I am, letting someone else take the blow for me."

[Tethras Clan]

"She was older and better trained. Of course she'd stand in front," Aveline says simply. "She bought you time. Time to save your sister, your mother. Time to grow up, grow stronger. Next time, it might be you called to make that bargain. Or maybe the price she paid will be enough then as well, the strength that time allowed you to gain enough to save the innocent and yourself. That is, by the way, the far better outcome. If nothing else, that's a price you can pay only once and forever afterwards, it's up to those you left behind. Now get up. Moving help help clear your head."

[Carver Amell]

Moving will clear your head. Head bowed, Carver drags himself to his feet, tags after Aveline. 

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene slows before going to Varric's study, not wanting to intrude. And yet-- and yet-- they had made a mistake and it needs to be corrected and they, and they can feel words starting to slide away, they're growing more frightened and upset and they don't know what to do but surely Mister Tethras has more important things to do, has more crucial things to worry about, surely they should be handling this themselves, surely... surely....