Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Tethras Clan]

"Survivor's guilt," Aveline reminds him gently, then laughs harshly. "Not like I haven't been thinking the same thoughts. Wondering how I missed how badly over worked we were getting. How much resentment was still circulating about him. Why I couldn't solve the case faster. Why did it take three young woman with no training or duty to the city to end thing?"

[Carver Amell]

"It always does, doesn't it? Beth. Merrill. Ari. They all have the hallmarks of people the gods have touched, have spared for something." He sighs, hugging his knees tighter. "I wish I'd been here."

[Tethras Clan]

"Sometimes we're just... not. In the right place. Sometimes we're... in the right place for something else. Or being readied for something else," Aveline says softly, eyes distant. Privately, she doubts that all three of the girls are so touched. 

[Carver Amell]

"I ran away," he says quietly. "I can't do that again. I need to be punished so I remember."

[Tethras Clan]

"Ran away from what?" Aveline asks, confused again.

[Carver Amell]

"From my duty," he says quietly. "From Beth, from Merrill. I... I wasn't feeling... Dad thought it might be... I suggested leaving town for a while, to get my head on straight, and Dad agreed. But I shouldn't have gone. I know that now. Whatever I learned, whatever I thought I understood, my life is Beth and Merrill and I should never have left them. This was a warning: next time it'll be someone I love."

[Tethras Clan]

Aveline nods slowly, then wallops himself upside the head.

[Carver Amell]

"Ow! What?!" he says, hissing and rubbing at his head. 

[Tethras Clan]

"You're being an ass again," she explains to him. "Stop enslaving yourself to those poor girls, they don't deserve that."

[Carver Amell]

Carver remains silent, his eyes downcast. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Carver," Aveline prods. "Don't start going silent again."

[Carver Amell]

"I... I'm not good at thinking. I want to be a tool, to be used by someone... wiser. Stronger. I--" He cuts off a bitter laugh. "I can turn into a dog, now. A four-legged one."

[Tethras Clan]

"That's... interesting?" Aveline shakes her head. "But there's a difference between taking someone else's lead and just... shedding yourself to serve them. You're a person, Carver, and you deserve to be one. Need to be one. Acting like a Serinite doesn't do you any credit. You're better than that."

[Carver Amell]

"I'm not," he whimpers. "I'm a coward, and a failure."

[Tethras Clan]

"If you fuck up, then fix it. Punishing yourself only makes you feel better, makes you feel like you can stop feeling guilty. Punishment doesn't help. You want redemption. Restitution. If you failed someone, then find out what they want, what they need, and offer to get it or do it for them. Don't make yourself feel better, make it right."