Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Varric]

"Merrill... do you remember what I told you about her, back in Golden Green? About how fragile she is and why?" Varric asks, meeting his gaze. 

[Carver Amell]

"Yeah, of course. That's why I'm always trying to protect her."

Something tickles at the edge of his memory, though, something he's sure he must have dreamed, in a horrible nightmare. He frowns, just a touch, reaching for it, but it's gone. 

[Varric]

"...not when you're drunk," Varric whispers. "You... From what I got from Beth and Miki, you refuted her as family. Told her you were done with her. She... she tried to touch the moon again and... Wynne and Seeker Lelldorin think they managed to... collect enough of her that maybe... It's going to be bad, Carver. Permanent bad."

[Carver Amell]

Carver says nothing. His eyes slide close, his shoulders slumping, his breath catching in his throat. 

I'm a monster.

[Varric]

Varric swallows, wishing that was it but... "Beth is better. She's just- just. She had a panic attack, and was non-verbal. She's responsive and home now, with Helene. Elder Marethari will be arriving this afternoon and... hopefully she'll be able to help Merrill even more." A short pause. "Do you want a sedative?"

[Carver Amell]

He shakes his head, silent. 

[Varric]

"Alright. So... what's your plan? What are you going to do next?"

[Carver Amell]

"I was going to make a plan this morning," he whispers, his throat dry. "I... I'm leaving town. Maybe with Isabela. I don't know."

[Varric]

"If you leave, that's it," Varric says quietly. "I doubt either of them will ever forgive you. They need you Carver. You made a mistake, then made it worse and worse. You have to fix it."

[Carver Amell]

"I know," he says softly. "I won't come back."

[Varric]

"That's not... fixing anything. You're better than that." A deliberate pause. "Better than Malcolm. Don't run from this. Stand with your family and make it right. You owe them that."

[Carver Amell]

He shakes his head again, his voice a vehement whisper: "Nothing could ever make this right."

[Varric]

"Not sure if that's true, can't know unless you try. But even if it is... running will make it worse," Varric says grimly. "If you really don't think you can make it better, at least don't make it worse."

[Carver Amell]

"I already told them both I was going," he says, swallowing hard. "That's why-- I already hurt them. The least I can do is stop bothering them."

[Varric]

"...by that logic, if I tell you I'm going to punch you in the face, it's kinder to do it. Instead of, I dunno, not hitting you."