Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Bethany]

"He said that?" Bethany asks, startled. "I mean... I get that he'd warn you that she's... fragile. But you're not even eighteen Carver, that's far too young to be basically tied to someone forever, their own life held hostage to your devotion. That's... it's cruel of her. I should have..."

[Carver Amell]

"She's not cruel!" he snaps. "She just, she just needs so much and I, I knew what rejecting her would do to her, I knew it, I didn't, I should never have... I shouldn't have said those things, I shouldn't have-- I told her I was done with fucking family forever, I drew my claws on her, I threatened her, I-- I was the worst, I did the worst possible thing, I'm a fucking monster and I don't deserve to-- to--"

Twisting, he pulls free of her, his right hand shifting into a claw.

[Bethany]

Bethany, despite her rather high degree of wisdom and intelligence, it still a young woman, full of emotions and impulse. As such, she does something... dramatic instead of practical. Lunging after him, she tries to block him from hurting himself with her own body.

[Carver Amell]

He shuts his eyes, twisting his head away, as a matter of course -- so it's not until he feels her warmth on top of him that he realizes what's happened. At the last moment, he retracts his claws, so it's his bare, human fingers that brush against her back instead of heavy, raking claws. 

"Beth!" he howls, trying to push her off him. "Beth, are you okay, what, did I, please be okay, please, I can't--"

[Bethany]

"I'm okay, I'm okay," she soothes him. That was really dumb! "You didn't hurt me. See? You didn't hurt me." Great, but if he'd been slower to react? Then he'd literally have your blood on his hands and the guilt would eat him inside out.

[Carver Amell]

"Beth," he whimpers, shuddering. I almost hurt her. I almost drew her blood. What is wrong with me?!

He pushes away from her again, pushing her off him, getting up from the bed. He takes a deep shuddering breath, wrapping his arms around his middle. "I'm going to be sick," he whimpers. "I-- I can't-- I can't-- please, please tell me what to do, I can't--"

[Bethany]

"Carver, can-" He just asked you to- Right. Casting. Without another word, she casts a Calm Emotions spell. "Deep breaths. It doesn't last long, so focus on recentering yourself. I'm fine. It's okay. Please come sit?"

[Carver Amell]

He stumbles forward, shuddering again, and drops to his knees beside the bed, bowing his head. "I told them it was..." he whispers, closing his eyes. "I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want to upset you. I'm bad. I'm stupid and dumb and I can't stop hurting you and I.. I..."

[Bethany]

"You're not stupid or dumb. You're impulsive and stubborn and your mouth lacks any sort of filter when you get emotional but you're not a monster nor bad. You're just... Carver. My big ol' imperfect brother," Bethany say softly. "Whom I love dearly, even when he hides things from me."

[Carver Amell]

He looks up, his expression pained despite the spell. "You still love me?" he whispers. 

[Bethany]

"Now, then, and all the times in between," his twin says gently.

[Carver Amell]

"I don't deserve you," he whimpers. "I'm a monster. I almost killed Merrill."

He takes a deep breath, then, with a shudder, and holds up a hand for her silence. After another deep breath, he corrects quietly, "I said cruel things to Merrill. I said cruel things to you. I was hurting, and I lashed out. I-- I'm still hurting, but I can't, I don't know how to talk about it without hurting anyone worse."

[Bethany]

"...I don't think it's the talking, it's... it's hearing you say such... damning things about yourself. But it's not talking that lead to this. If we- all three of us- had been more honest with each other..."

[Carver Amell]

"It's being honest that leads to the fights," he whispers. "It's telling you I'm hurting, I'm broken inside, I don't know how to keep being a person anymore, that leads to you getting hurt." 

[Bethany]

"No it doesn't," Bethany says bluntly. "It's that you believe it's true. I don't even understand why you... How did it start? It's been..." Her eyes widen and fill with pain. "Me. It started with me. Me being jealous of you and Summer. You felt that you failed me and..."