Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Tethras Clan]

"Ummm, okay?" Merrill says, clearly more worried about Carver right then.

[Carver Amell]

Carver slips off, his face twisting in horror as he gets further from Merrill. He slips into the baths, sitting on the bench, sobbing into his hands for a while.

She's alive. She remembers us. She's not having panic attacks or starving herself or anything. But.. but she can't walk, and... and it's my fault, it is, no matter what she says. 

For a moment he almost goes to shift his hand, but he stops, picturing Aveline's face, remembering her dragging him from the shower in what he's starting to suspect was a blind panic. I won't let her down again. I won't let all of them down. I just... I just need to cry for a bit. That's all. I promise.

[Carver Amell]

Hours pass. Carver, realizing he's not safe, heads back to Aveline's after spending a little more time with Merrill, reassuring her and petting her hair and kissing her cheek. He lets Varric handle explaining why he lives there now, why he's been staying away.

He and Aveline both pretend not to notice the tears sliding down his cheeks while they spar. Afterward, she reads to him while he grooms Silence and Beka, making sure their fur is in good shape.

The next day, he comes back to spend time with Merrill and Beth, the three of them sitting in the garden enjoying a light mid-morning snack while he tells them both all about the training he's been doing, the book they've been reading.

Until the conversation hits a lull.

[Tethras Clan]

You need to say it. But how? I can't... I can't. I just can't. But you hurt him. You chased him away from his home. No, I didn't. He- he said he didn't want me anymore. He was drunk and hurting and didn't say that anyway, which you well know. But... but won't this hurt us both even more? Yes. But not as much as not doing it. So caught in her thoughts is Merrill, she doesn't realize at first that Beth had asked her a question. Twice. It's not until Hunter nudges her hand, which had stopped petting him for no good reason, that she snaps out of her thoughts. "Sorry, what?"

[Bethany]

"I asked if you were getting too much sun," Beth asks slowly. "Are you alright?"

[Carver Amell]

"Is, is something wrong?" Carver sounds alarmed -- that kind of alarmed where he's trying very hard to suppress it, to keep his voice even, but he just can't. 

[Tethras Clan]

"I- yes," Merrill says quickly, blushing. "I'm fine, just... thinking." She bites her lip. "About... stuff. Us. Family and... mistakes."

[Carver Amell]

"I'm sorry," he says easily, automatically. 

[Bethany]

"Carver..." Bethany sighs a little. 

[Tethras Clan]

Shaking her head, Merrill smooths down the front of her dress, then resumes petting Hunter. "No... well, yes, but also me. And... Dad said he made mistakes too," she says slowly. "I... I think... we're not... good for each other right now, are we? As... as a couple?" Her gaze is ray-focused on Hunter's left ear.

[Carver Amell]

"No," he says, relieved. "No. We're not. If you... if you need a boyfriend, if you need to be dating me to feel safe, then, I'll do it, but, we're not... we're not good for each other right now."

[Tethras Clan]

"I love you," Merrill whispers, tears leaking down her face. "I need you. But... just... around. Alive. In my life. Maybe... maybe not...." 

[Carver Amell]

"Okay," he says, reaching for her hands. "Okay. I love you too, Merrill."

[Tethras Clan]

"I'm sorry," she whispers brokenly. " I wanted to be enough so m-much."

[Carver Amell]

"Hey, it's not your fault. One person can't be enough. That's why we have families, remember? So you don't have to lean on one person forever. I... I'm sorry I didn't... I'm sorry I didn't teach you that well enough. That you have a family now, not just one person."