Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Varric]

"Hey," Varric says back softly, dwarven eyes having been able to see him clearly. "She's completely down, you don't have to be too careful with your volume. She, uh, she had a nightmare, so I gave her something to help her sleep." A little risky out in the wilds but less so than her being utterly exhausted in the morning. "How're you holding up?" Need to push myself. Reach out more. I won't let this happen again, I won't fail another kid.

[Carver Amell]

Carver shakes his head. Everything I take from him is a little less for Bethany. "Fine," he mutters, sounding entirely unconvincing. "Just going on watch." 

[Varric]

"Bastionites got a saying- pain shared is pain halved. Or something like that. And... and talking can be better than thinking after... after something like..." He takes a slow breath. "After a loss. Means you're not alone. That you got someone." Boy'll- no, not anymore. Young yet but... Lad'll break if he doesn't find some way to get past the dark cloud clinging to him.

[Carver Amell]

Carver looks away, shifting uncomfortably. "I just have to keep Bethany safe. She's--" Now his voice cracks. "She's all I have left. I have to... even if it means.. doing what Marian did, I have to keep her safe."

[Varric]

"Push yourself, never let yourself relax or rest, and you'll snap. No good to her then." Varric studies him for a moment. "And she's not all you have left. I, uh... I'm not the best with... Words are easy when it's just business. Pulling a con, bullshitting, that comes easy. Harder when they matter. But. The thre- two." Varric pauses again, then his eyes harden. "No. The three of you are important to me, you and your sisters. I've no intention of walking away. We'll have to use an inn for a bit, but if you want, I could have a three or four bedroom place for the lot of us in a week or so."

[Carver Amell]

"We have relatives in Nyra," says Carver slowly. "The Amells. Mother's family, from before she ran away with Father. I asked, but she didn't really want to talk about it. But... we might have somewhere to go. And, and I think Bethany should go to university. She's so smart, and she deserves so much better. And you came from there, you know the place. But I... I don't know anything about cities. I don't know what I'll do. I'm not smart, I'm not magic, I'm just... just..." He shakes his head, hands balling into fists.

"Just human. Just Carver." 

[Varric]

"And I'm just dwarf, what's your point?" Varric says with a frown. "You're just as smart as Sweetie here. Not as much for book study maybe but you learn practical skills like black powder ignites. As for not having innate magic... There're other paths to it if that's what you want. Divine magic doesn't need anything but faith and devotion for the bulk of it. Expect Vangal or Uryll would take your vows in a heartbeat."

[Carver Amell]

"Vangal." Protect the innocent and weak. "I should... I should look into that."

[Varric]

"He'd be a good fit for you," Varric says soberly. "Hard path but you have good instincts and you've the Hawke stubbornness in full. Need to talk it out with Sweetie- and your mother I guess, but we could get a place in Meadows. Not uptown but good neighborhood. Half hour walk at most to the schools and temples."

[Carver Amell]

Carver is quiet for a long moment. Finally he asks, voice small, "Should I have stopped her?"

[Varric]

Yes. No. Damn it. "I... I can't say. I wasn't there and second guessing the man in the field is worse then pointless. But if you want, we can talk through it." Tell me how she (my apprentice died) died. Please. Tell me it was worth it, that it had to happen.

[Carver Amell]

Carver is quiet for a time, staring at his hands. Tell the whole thing. That's what he always says when I get back from a trip: start at the beginning, straight through. But I don't know where this began. I don't know how to begin.

"The bells went off this afternoon. I went to find out what happened, but I.. there were demons in the street by the time the bells sounded warning. I did what I could, I, I got us to safety. To the church. We helped with the wounded and, and we tried our best but... But they, the wards fell. I thought we were all going to die. We were sitting ducks. But Marian got us moving and we went out the back. There... There was a demon there too. I used my bow and we-- he died. But, but he went for Bethnay. Snapped her leg nearly in half. I-- I don't remember much right after that but we killed him real fast and... And therr was blood on my hand, I think I went for him with my bare hands, I was so angry he hurt Bethany that I..."

[Varric]

Berserker? Even then, bare handed against a demon, even a weak, wounded one... "Impressive, to be honest. The three of you did well." Can't help but notice Leandra isn't being mentioned. Thinking that's not just an oversight on his part. "Shit circumstances and you all did your best to deal with it. What happened next?"

[Carver Amell]

Carver nods. "I... Marian got Bethany's leg splinted. We got moving again. I tried to avoid them, I really did, but they were at the East gate, and you know there's a wall there, so, so, I was going to take us around, there was an ambush point and there were two of them so, and with Bethany's leg we couldn't go over, and Bethany was saying to leave her but, I, but I, I just couldn't, and... And then... Marian said, she would lead them off so we could... I could have saved her if I had left Bethany."

[Varric]

And Marian doesn't have the upper body strength to carry Bethany at any real speed so it had to one of them. "Leandra should have offered." The words slip out before he even realizes he's considered the idea. And maybe it's wrong to have said it, especially to her son, but... now that it's out there, Varric can't say he doesn't believe it true.