Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Carver Amell]

Carver looks at him like he's grown wings. "Mother? Why? She, she's not built for combat or anything."

[Varric]

"Able bodied, isn't she? Let's be honest. Half-trained isn't any different, any better, than no training, against demons in those odds," Varric says softly. "Just... get their attention, run so they chase you and then try to hide or get away after the others are clear. No combat needed."

[Carver Amell]

"She's not made for that," Carver protests, shaking his head. "It had to be one of us. We protect each other."

[Varric]

"She's your mother. The older generation. We fall, each and every, before we let a single one of you go." Varric shakes his head. "The three of you...  You should never have been expected to look after each other the way you were."

[Carver Amell]

Carver looks at him, frowning slightly. "...Marian is-- was the oldest. She protected us. Mother... Doesn't. Never has. Not like you."

[Varric]

"She should have," Varric replies simply. "You deserved better. I... I'm glad. That me being around made it a little easier."

[Carver Amell]

Another quiet period as Carver reflects. Finally, he says, "When we were walking, we heard..." His voice cracks, but he powers through. "She screamed like--"

That's when he breaks down altogether, his tone shattering into sobs.

[Varric]

Varric flinches, just a little. Tears. Hate tears, never know what to do with them. Clearing his throat, he gestures towards the human, unable to go him with Bethany resting her head on his leg. "Come'ere," he says gruffly.

[Carver Amell]

Carver crawls to him, curling up beside him and crying on his shoulder for a while. Intelligible sentences seem beyond him, but he does whimper, "Marian," a few times.

[Varric]

Varric just holds him silently for a while, mustering a soft, comforting noise from time to time. When he finally seems to be winding down, the dwarf takes a deep breath. 

"It... it gets easier. The pain never... stops. Sometimes you'll be able to go days, weeks even, without... without it hitting you. Then you'll see a stranger's face, hear a voice in a crowd, smell a scent... and it'll be hers. Just for a second. And it'll be like being stabbed. But even that stops being bad, exactly." Better than the other times, when you try to think of her and can't recall how her laugh sounded anymore.  "And... and having someone to lean on helps. You have Bethany, who will need to lean on you, but will also need you to lean on her. You need to let her see you grieve, so she knows she's not alone in her pain. You'll want to be strong for her, act like you're fine so you don't burden her." Like me and Bartrand... "Don't. Be strong, yes, don't fall to drink or fighting, lose yourself in grief." Father. "But don't deny your pain. It'll hurt her, drive you apart." 

[Carver Amell]

Carver nods against his shoulder. "We're already coming apart," he murmurs. "Mother not protecting us. Bethany keeping secrets."

[Varric]

"Can't really argue with the big of your mother," Varric admits. "But... you really think that you and your twin are that bad off? I know you two are drifting a bit apart, but that does happen as you get older. Very few sibs, even twins, stay as tightly bound as they are as children. Life's a bitch that way."

[Carver Amell]

"She's been-- nevermind." Even now, here, he can't bring himself to speak ill of his twin. She's been keeping secrets for Astea knows how long,  he thinks bitterly. She doesn't trust me. Despite everything. I'd have done anything to keep her safe, even died, and she doesn't trust me.

"It's complicated."

[Varric]

"I thrive on complicated," Varric assues him. "Lay it on me." A secret, one that's important enough that it's on his mind despite... despite. One that came up during all of this from the sound of- oh. Damn. Maybe not but... yeah. 

[Carver Amell]

"She didn't trust me," he says quietly. "I'd do anything for her and she doesn't trust me. Maybe I should have handed her to Marian instead," he adds bitterly.