Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Carver Amell]

"There's this group of guys," he begins, then shakes his head. "A gang. I've joined a gang, I've been with them in the afternoons, when I cut class. I, it's been great but... there's this rival gang, the Coalies. And they jumped one of our guys, Niko. We found out, we scrambled, to come save him. And I-- he pulled a knife, I guess he cut my leg, he was going to... I had to stop him."

[Varric]

Joined a- it can wait. It can wait. "Alright... that's pretty rough. But if you pull out a weapon, then you have to be willing to accept what comes of it. I gather it was just fists and kicks? He was the first to draw steel?"

[Carver Amell]

Carver nods. "The only one, far as I know. I... I killed him with my bare hands." He shudders, taking another sip of his drink.

[Varric]

"..claws." Right, that... that needs to be followed up on. Now. "I imagine that makes it pretty hard to... work through. Are you... how sure are you he's dead? Or that he's a kid? Sure he was just merikos gnome, kender or whatnot?"

[Carver Amell]

"I don't know but... a lot of them are my age, many a few years younger. some a few years older. Maybe he was older but, small-like, or, or merikos, or something."

[Varric]

"Very possible. Don't... he could have been a youth. Or he might not be. Unless you can find out, you can't know for sure either way. Don't torture yourself over it but... you can't forget it either. Can't let it cripple you though. You need to start training again. Learn how to fight better, so you can choose to not kill next time."

[Carver Amell]

Carver shakes his head. "I can't control myself anymore. I just get so mad, and I just-- I barely avoided hitting my mother. I can't be that out of control and be this dangerous."

[Varric]

"Then we'll match you up against someone that can handle your worst," Varric replies simply.

[Carver Amell]

"If I can fight better, and I lose my temper, I could hurt someone worse next time. No way."

[Varric]

"Oh, we can work on that part of things too. Temper doesn't just happen, there's always a reason for it. We just have to work on finding it."

[Carver Amell]

"If you can solve the temper thing, maybe I can think about training more, taking vows," he says, after a moment.

[Varric]

"It'll probably be painful. Uncomfortable and awkward. You'll hate it." Varric is very somber as he lays this all out. Setting the glass of water in front of Carver, he takes his seat again. "But if you're strong enough to push through, figure out where this rage is coming from, then you can have your life back. Most of it anyway."

[Carver Amell]

He shakes his head, scowls. "Who cares about my life? I just need Beth to be safe."

[Varric]

"Me. Beth. Vangal and the other Bright gods, at least a little. Hells, Andy and Kenta. That's a lot of caring, more than some have." 

[Carver Amell]

"Why?" he spits. "I ruined everything for Beth. For you."