Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Varric]

"I didn't realize you'd broken into someone else's house and summoned a seethe of demons," Varric draws almost lazily.

[Carver Amell]

He shakes his head. "You know what I mean!"

[Varric]

"I honestly don't," Varric says bluntly. "I can see a handful of mistakes, sure, but I can't see how they're the root of all ills in any fashion."

[Carver Amell]

Carver takes a deep breath, putting down the class, his heel tapping against the floor. "Beth needs Marian more than she's ever needed me."

[Varric]

"Ah. Back on this then," Varric murmurs. "You realize that if it were her standing there in front of me, she'd, like as not, being saying the same damn thing? Be like asking Beth if she needs her heart or her head more."

[Carver Amell]

Carver shakes his head. "Marian was good at stuff. She had a trade, she was going to university, she was... she had it all together. Beth can barely stand me in comparison." He shifts a little. "She still cries, sometimes, at night." 

[Varric]

"You're her twin, Carver. She loved Marian, yes... a lot. But you're the one she grew up with. She does need you too. And... well, she doesn't care now." Varric snorts lightly as he leans back in his chair. "Marian was not all together. She was a bit of a mess too. She just hid it because she wanted to spare the two of you."

[Carver Amell]

Carver snorts. "How many people did she kill with her bare hands, then?"

[Varric]

"She had different flaws. Or maybe it'd be more accurate to say, same flaws, different amounts. She had a temper herself. Low self-esteem. A hunger for acceptance that was almost toxic. Other stuff."

[Carver Amell]

"Acceptance? She never cared what anyone thought of her."

[Varric]

"She never let you realize she cared," Varric explains. "Marian realized before I ever got there that you didn't have a parent, not really. So she tried to fill that role, which she thought meant that neither of you could see her falter or being weak. So she put up fronts, trying to be strong for the both of you. It cost her. Badly."

[Carver Amell]

Carver falls silent for a few moments, brooding, though it's over quicker than Varric might have guessed. "How bad?"

[Varric]

"...bad enough," Varric says gently. "Pain like that can't really be measured or compared. But she'd have always had... scars on her soul from growing up as she did, I suspect." He gives Carver a firm look. "Not that she'd have counted it a price too high, mind you. She loved the both of you, bone deep. Might have argued with you a lot, but you were both young and headstrong, that's normal enough. She shouldn't have had to pay what she did, but she was willing to do it. I think she'd want you to have a better option."

[Carver Amell]

Carver shakes his head again. "I'm not looking to rush off and die. That would, that would kill Beth. She needs family right now. All she's got are you and me." His tone makes it clear what he thinks of that option. "I can't let her down. I can't fuck up again. I've been trying and trying but I can't get this family to stay together, I can't get them to see. I kept Beth safe when they raided the house, but she was pissed at me. She's keeping secrets again, and I don't know if they're dangerous or not. I go to the Vangal church and none of it makes sense and I can't keep my mind on class and I keep thinking about how it felt to rip that kid's intestines out and I just--"

[Varric]

Damn. That's a nasty way for your first kill (skull caving in like a rotted out cask, flecks of bone and gore flying) to play out. "Hey. Deep breath, lad. Deep breath." The dwarf takes a few of his own, trying to encourage Carver.