Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Carver Amell]

"Okay." His voice is flat, and he doesn't look up at her as he follows her out.

[Bethany]

Leading Carver to the bench out back, she guides him into sitting, then cuddles up to this side. "Talk to me?" she pleads in a tiny voice.

[Carver Amell]

"Whatever you want," he says, looking at his lap. 

[Bethany]

"I- well, okay, then... I'd like to talk about what- what happened just now?" She swallows again, voice trembling. "Worried about you, m'win."

[Carver Amell]

"I thought I could do this but I can't. I ruined it. I fucked everything up." His voice remains dull, rote. "I'm no good for you, Beth."

[Bethany]

"What? Carver, you didn't- you were great last night!" Beth protests. "You were really helpful and calm and gods, Carver, I would have broken if you weren't- if you hadn't been there when we got home, I..." She shudders. "Everytime I had a nightmare, I woke up and you were there. Warm and solid, arms around me. You're plenty good."

[Carver Amell]

"I told Varric about the guard, I got the brothel taken away, I made you cry," he argues. "I can't-- Beth do you-- do you ever--"

[Bethany]

"I never regret you, never hate you. I get upset with you, yes. Sometimes even angry, I am a Hawke after all and we have tempers, but never- no, not ever," Beth says firmly, pressing herself even tighter against him.

[Carver Amell]

"Do you ever.... think about... hurting yourself?" His voice is a whisper, pain evident in his shaking hands.

[Bethany]

"What? You mean for-" Beth cuts off, darting at glance at the door to the house, where she can see Varric watching. He's giving them space but... staying on hand, just in case. "You mean for... like work? No, I don't like pain. I'm a coward," she answers in a low whisper, misunderstanding the real question Carver is asking. Though that might be an answer in and of itself, perhaps.

[Carver Amell]

He shakes his head. "More like... like...." He takes a deep breath. "To be with Marian."

[Bethany]

"But she's-" Bethany goes pale. "No! I couldn't- I could never do that to you! Mar... Mar is fine. She's with Astea and... that's forever. She... she died for us. Even... I like living, I love you and Dad and- and helping people. Even Seli, Don, Ari, Bri, Andy and Elle- I'd not want to leave them either. Marian was always impatient but... she'd want us to live, to fall in love and be happy and- and she'd wanted nieces and nephews and sister-electi and-" Bethany shudders. "I couldn't do that. Not to you, not to her or to Dad. Not ever."

[Carver Amell]

Finally, Carver relaxes, just a bit. "Okay," he whispers. "Thank you."

[Bethany]

"...do you?" Beth whispers hesitantly, pulling back enough to study his face.

[Carver Amell]

He can't meet her eyes. "Sometimes, I... it's just-- I'm no good for you, and... and Marian died and left you in my care and I'm supposed to look out for you and I..."