Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Varric]

Herself. Shite. "I see. May she have found peace," Varric says quietly, trying with decent success to hide his distaste for that sort of... well, if pressed and honest, he'd call it cowardice. Noble sacrifice is one thing but... retreat is sometimes the best option, the best way to help, but to retreat from life? How can you help then? 

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene nods. "This is why the family retreated to Raplin's Oak. Raplin restored the soul to the body of a catfolk, who returned to Nyra as Hope Goldclaw." Helene takes a deep breath, lets it out. "This seems to be a... common solution for... if one can be assured it will work, it handily solves the problem."

[Varric]

Varric stares a moment. "That's a huge, nebulous 'if' though," he protests. "And that carries a cost too. Being twice-lived is... it's not something done lightly." He frowns, head tilting. "...why not just get polymorphed? Reincarnation is random- at least to the mortals involved- but with a polymorph spell, you could damn near custom order the new shell. Probably wouldn't be cheap but... actually, between the two of us, we could probably make a ritual to do it, that'd bring the costs way down..."

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene cuts him off, their voice soft in volume: "This one is Samsaran." 

[Varric]

Varric pauses, considering that for a bare second. "Yes, but that's not you. That's someone else. Helene would be dead. My friend would be dead. And aren't there more than a few theories that indicate that the new life is based on the old? What kind of life would running away from your duties to Alydra and your frends warrant?"

[Helene Dakesh]

"This one would have to learn bravery," they admit. "This one... this life... this one has learned the humility this one was meant to discover. This one understands suffering. This one can, this one sometimes wishes, this one sometimes begs Alydra to be merciful, to let this one move on. This one cannot... This life hurts."

[Varric]

"Is it getting better?" Varric asks quietly. "Is there more that can be done to make it better? You have flaws, have imperfections, but the bas material of you is high quality. Don't throw it all out in the hopes of a fresh start leading to better. Fix things."

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene nods, taking a deep breath. "Today, everything hurts," they say quietly. "But this one remembers yesterday, and the day before. This one recalls time researching together with Friend Varric. This one... this one recalls not being hurt. But this one struggles. It is..."

[Varric]

"Then we keep going with that. We can look into that ritual if you're interested. This one assumes you won't want to lose the reincarnation, so we'll be sure to make it renewal based, not truly permanent- maybe an item instead? Sorry, getting distracted. We can spend more time together, even if it's you doing your reading and research in my office." Varric offers his hand, giving them the choice to accept touch or not. "Not alone anymore Friend Helene."

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene hesitantly reaches out, taking Varric's hand. "This one would... this one would remain Samsaran. But if this one had choices, this one would... this one cannot account for the size of this one's form, that is this one's burden, but this one could... there is no body configuration that would suit this one." They shake their head.

[Varric]

"There's no commonly and naturally occuring body shape," Varric corrects them. "How about a... samsaran-aasimar cross? One of the non-sexed ones? Wouldn't be that hard to reroute the plumbing to, uh, just use the back. Broaden some features, blur the lines a bit. Hells, keeping the race the same makes it a lot easier to honest."

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene looks at the blanket, silent, mildly ashamed. This one should take the offer. This is the closest this one could get to having a body that suits this one. And yet... and yet... Maeve's glorious body keeps appearing behind their eyes.

[Varric]

Or....not? "Something wrong Seeker?" He prompts them.

[Helene Dakesh]

"This one... Has considered that form. This one... It is the best this one can achieve."

[Varric]

"But it's lacking something?" Varric asks, studying them.