Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Varric]

"Hells yes. All three of you need it," Varric says firmly.

[Bethany]

Bethany frowns. "Even... even after..."

[Varric]

"Yes. Merrill messed up. She knew that cutting was dangerous and merely masks mental issues- and poorly at that- but she didn't want to admit to Carver that it was wrong to do. Didn't want..." Varric pauses, then looks at the elf. "Merrill?" he prompts her.

[Tethras Clan]

"...I didn't m-mean to tell you, that day in the w-woods," Merrill whispers. "But after I s-slipped, I just... I couldn't bear for you to ll-look at m-m-me like... like they d-did."

[Carver Amell]

All three of us.  Carver looks up, glances at Merrill, starts to reach for her hand -- but with a quick glance toward Beth, he stops, pulling his hand back to his lap. It's okay. It doesn't matter. She'll be here, she'll be safe, even if I have to pull back. She won't be cast out or abandoned or homeless because of me. 

[Bethany]

"And now?" Beth asks a touch hostilely. "Do you like how he looks now?"

[Varric]

"Beth," Varric says sharply. "Merrill messed up, no question. But she didn't know any better. She's been abused for twice your lifetime and that's going to cause issues until she can heal." If. "She needs to know she can trust us to help her, to not hate or send her away. She needs to trust us in return, needs to struggle to improve too, mind you. But don't attack her over it- you're better than that and she doesn't deserve it."

[Carver Amell]

Carver's not good with words, not like Varric is. So all he says as he looks at Beth is, "Please."

She didn't do this to me. Merrill didn't break me. She's just trying to help. Please don't hate her. Please don't have her sent away. It's strange, this feeling he has in his gut. It's almost like... like Beth is some kind of enemy, someone hostile he has to placate or mollify. He hates that feeling. Beth's always been on his side, and now... now she's not. Because his side is Merrill's side and--

But that's the kind of attitude that got us here. He hangs his head again, hands trembling in his lap. Gods. I want to cut again. Anything, to make this stop. To make it not have happened. To not have hurt Beth like that. But it's Merrill's face he can't stop seeing, the way she cried when he left for a few minutes. 

[Bethany]

Beth flinches. 'I need to make this right.' But she hurt him! 'Please.' He could have died! 'You're better than that.' No, I'm not! I hate her! I hate her for almost taking my only sibling, my twin! 'Please.' I can't... I need to make this right. But she... 'Please.'  How can I forgive... 'She doesn't deserve that.' 

'Please.'

"Never again. if- if either of you- if either of you ever do that again, I can't..."

[Carver Amell]

"Please don't send her away," he says quietly. "She doesn't deserve that. Nobody deserves that. She-- I promised she'd have a home, family. Please. I'll do anything you want." 

The words feel familiar; when he realizes why, he winces, fighting the urge to throw up. Mother. I said that to Mother. One of the times I went alone, without Beth. I-- I knew I was right, but I begged her anyway, and she... she still refused.

[Tethras Clan]

"If I hurt him- or you- like this again, I'd- I'd run first anyway," Merrill whispers, staring at the table.

[Bethany]

"No!" What? Beth's heart pounds and her stomach heaves. Why did that... why did my soul just about shatter when she... "I'll be pissed. I'd never forgive you and I'd not be able to trust you again, not entirely... But I wouldn't cut yo- ah, wouldn't get rid for you."

[Carver Amell]

It's too much. The thought of Merrill running away to protect him... Carver pushes his chair back from the table, turning his face away as if struck. It's a clear battle for him to remain in his chair, but he does, hands balled into fists, face twisted in pain, pale, breathing through his nose to avoid throwing up. Swallow your feelings. Don't hurt Beth, not again. Never again. Even just going to the tree out back could hurt her, he knows, so he stays put, even if that's all he can do.

[Tethras Clan]

Merrill jumps up from her seat but her legs, having been in that position for almost eight straight hour, don't last a second before they cramp viciously. Collapsing to the group with a pained cry, she only narrowing avoids braining herself- because Beth, also rising to go after Carver, grabs her. Both girls go down, but much less disastrously as they would have. 

"Sodding hells, what-" Varric cuts off. "You two okay?"

"Carver!" they both call out, struggling to rise to chase him, not realizing he hadn't gone far.

[Carver Amell]

His name beats about his head like a refrain: Carver, Carver, Carver.

He slides out of the chair, falling to his knees, pressing his head to his legs. Stay, he orders himself, despite his feet being desperate to run, his arms quivering from the strength of his fist-clenching. You did this, you can live with it.