Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Helene Dakesh]

"This one has faith that Alydra would not allow this one to render this one unusable by Them."

[Tethras Clan]

"But maybe you should ask, just to be sure," Zevran replies. "I mean, you did say They're busy, maybe They don't realize you're doing this..."

[Helene Dakesh]

"Alydra knows all that Their servants do." Helene pauses. "Are you attempting to dissuade this one?" they realize. 

[Tethras Clan]

"They do?" Zevran asks, startled. "I hadn't realized the gods were so... scrutinous." He shakes his head. "I wasn't, but I am... less sanguine about the affair, now that I realize that it lacks a clear stamp from above."

[Helene Dakesh]

"This one will be happier when this one is no longer defective," they say quietly. "This one will be free of desire that can never be fulfilled. This one will no longer be treated as though this one were gendered incorrectly. This one will be free of their mental affliction and able to learn so much more, to accomplish so much more in Alydra's service. This one will be a whole person, unburdened, at last."

[Tethras Clan]

"Bullshit," Zevran says almost absently, distracted by a sudden preoccupation on the divine.

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene blinks. "P-pardon?"

[Tethras Clan]

"Hmm?" Zevran asks, snapping back to the conversation at hand. 

[Helene Dakesh]

"Wh-what is your objection?" they ask, clearly rattled. 

[Tethras Clan]

It takes Zevran a minute to click. "Oh. Ah, sorry for the... crudeness. But you seem to be imaging that, once you do these rituals, your life will be perfect. That's... actually the dumbest thing I've ever heard you say, to be honest."

[Helene Dakesh]

"N-no, not... not p-p-perfect, but.. this one... most people begin at a place, of, let's say, let's say a numerical zero, no advantages or disadvantages, but this one begins at a negative one hundred, and, and this one could, this one could begin at a zero, and have that much more advantage, above, ah, and this one's study and research would, with this one's dedication to Alydra, this one could be.... this one could be so much more useful."

[Tethras Clan]

"If it works, maybe. But... what if the you that you would become- and it's starting to sound more and more like this is going to remake you as thoroughly as death would- can not serve Aldyra as well as you can? Or perhaps does not want to? The you that is now cannot be sure what you will become will share your values."

[Helene Dakesh]

"This one will always serve Alydra," they whisper, sounding honestly offended by the implication. "This one has served for over one hundred and fifty years. This one was Dakesh, who served Alydra. Dakesh was Avanti, who served Alydra. Avanti was Eden, who served Alydra. If this one is made over again, that one will serve Alydra. There is nothing for this one outside of Alydra; this one will never turn from Their sight."

[Tethras Clan]

"I certainly hope you are correct," Zevran says soberly. "I have seen people twisted and broken beyond any resemblance to what they once were. There is always a faultline, a flaw, that can cause even the most solid of bedrock crumble. Your rituals are likely not enough of a chisel but... For something this important, I would want to be sure. Would it truly hurt to ask?"

[Helene Dakesh]

"This one will ask," they agree. "This one will ensure that this one can serve. This one will cast the bones."

They kneel, then, digging in their satchel for the little silk pouch, pulling out a set of carved knucklebones. They whisper into them, asking them if they would still be able to serve as Alydra's oracle, and then cast the bones, studying the results splayed across the floor.

"Weal and Woe," they say, frowning. "The question is too complex. There would be benefits and drawbacks."