Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Tethras Clan]

"So... if you were to, ah, perfect the ritual so it is ready to go, have the ingredients paid for and ready, then all it would be is a single... afternoon of worry that will remove perhaps lesser but much longer lasting worry?" Zevran asks slowly, trying to figure this all out.

[Helene Dakesh]

"Unless it goes wrong," they admit. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Well... yes... but is there not also a risk that the current not-so-bad conditions could worsen without you doing anything? Just... because of life and the unpredictable nature of mind magics?" I am no expert or sage, but horror stories about that sort of thing are telling enough. Even if half are pure lie, and half of what is left is wrong in the particulars, that is still not something I would have wanted to risk nor would wish to leave half-undone.

[Helene Dakesh]

They shudder. "This one was... Well, it turns out to be... Less bad than this one feared. This one can tell often when something was... Not real."

[Tethras Clan]

"That is... good, yessss," Zevran says slowly, hesitantly. "But... often is not always and... I would be concerned you might... mistake something important and harm yourself by accident."

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene nods. "This one harms themself in small ways frequently. It is nothing to be concerned about."

[Tethras Clan]

"The fuck?"

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene jumps. "W-what?"

[Tethras Clan]

"You hurt- masochism is one thing, but given the context of it being you,  I- Helene, that is not healthy in anyway," Zevran snaps out.

[Helene Dakesh]

"Th-th-this one..." Helene swallows, turning to look at Zevran's face. "This one thought you understood, this one is... damaged. This one hits things or, or bangs this one's head against-- this one is-- this is part of this one's defects..."

[Tethras Clan]

Zevran open his mouth, then pauses. "I- I think we are speaking at diagonals. I am- I am worried you are self-harming. Cutting, burning or beating yourself in order to vent emotions in place of addressing them properly. I have... encountered this before, where a slave will mutilate themselves as a means of exerting control, any control, over something. Is that... what you are referring to?"

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene shakes their head. "This one... this one has fits, where this one becomes overwhelmed. This one will sometimes inflict pain to help focus on the, the sensations, or to chase away the feeling of being... assaulted by noise."

[Tethras Clan]

"Ah. That is different," Zevran says with noticeable relief. "Using pain to focus past injury, illness, fatigue, hungry... that trick is an old friend."

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene nods. "This one is... This one is defective. Often, workarounds are... alarming."

[Tethras Clan]

"That's fair," Zevran says, recalling time spent searing his eyes to punish his skin. "Though... workarounds are, by definition, not the best method to solve a problem, no? I understand needing to do so in a pinch or when you do not know better, but you are Seeker Helene: if better you do not know, then you can find out."