Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Varric]

Eyes narrowing, Varric frowns. "Carver, what's wrong with your arm?"

[Carver Amell]

"My-- huh? Oh. Nothing. Habit." He stops scratching, biting his lower lip. "I... No, I shouldn't-- it's just..."

Steeling himself, he rolls up his sleeve, showing where he was scratching -- and the healing lines where he's clawed himself in the past few days. Sets of four lines, in various stages of healing.

[Varric]

"I think that the first step you'll have to do to... deal with that and start making things right with Beth is that. Show her what you did, accept the lumps she's going to give you, and see if she's willing to heal the cuts"

[Carver Amell]

"I don't... want them healed. And... she'd... last time she was..." He hunches his shoulders. "It won't help. but if you think it will, I'll do it anyway. I want... I want to do right by her, by you, by everyone."

[Varric]

Varric thinks a moment. "I think she will be angry and upset, but I think being honest with her is more important right now. Let her take a look at them, and if she, as a healer, thinks they just need to be cleaned and dressed, that's acceptable," he finally says.

[Carver Amell]

"Okay," he says, and takes a deep breath. "Okay. then, I'll go do that now, before I lose my nerve. Okay?"

[Varric]

That gets a smile from the old dwarf. "Yeah that sounds fine. I, uh, I'm glad that you were able to talk to me about this. I know this couldn't have been easy to bring up."

[Carver Amell]

He shakes his head. "but Aveline says I can be a better person, I can have honor again. So. If I'm going to... if I'm ever going to get better, I need to be someone you can be proud of." He hangs his head. "I never really had a chance of making Malcolm proud. I'm sorry I failed you too."

[Varric]

Damn. Another hit right in the gut (but a good kind at least. Mostly)."Thank you," he says gruffly, clearing his throat. "It helps, knowing that you feel that way. That it matters. can't say that I'm happy about what you did, but I'm proud of what you're doing now."

[Carver Amell]

Carver nods, wiping a tear from his eye. "Thanks Dad. I-- I love you."

Then, with the keen embarrassment particular to teenage boys, he vanishes, heading out the office door to find Beth. 

[Varric]

Stupid kids. Gods, what am I even doing? He smiles faintly as he leans back in his chair. "Being happy. Not this week maybe but... yeah."

[Bethany]

Who is, predictably enough, in her room with Merrill. The elf is napping, her body demanding extra sleep as it continues to heal. Hunter is curled up against the sleeping woman while Beth reads in the sofa chair in the corner, Silence at her feet. When Carver peeks in, she follows him out to his room when he gestures. Her expression is... approachable but a little wary, clearly worried something else has gone wrong. "What's up?" she says as soon as he closes the door behind them.

[Carver Amell]

"I-- I have to tell you something," he says quietly. "I don't... you're not going to like it. You can yell at me if you want. this is, after the way I acted, I deserve it. You can even hit me, I won't hit back. But I... I think it's best if I tell you."

[Bethany]

Well, that's not a great start at fucking all! "Alright... that's... an interesting disclaimer," she says slowly. "Go ahead..."

[Carver Amell]

"I..."

He fidgets a bit, swallowing. "I need your advice as a healer. I uh, I hurt myself, a few times, recently, intentionally, uh, and, I don't..."