Imprints in Stone [AU]

[Carver Amell]

"It will. Or, ot even if not, if we, if Merrill never gets her life back at least she'll improve some. Right? Or, maybe, she can make new memories, and this time I won't fuck up. Right?"

[Varric]

"Maybe. Maybe it will get better. Gods know we deserve a break. But you know what would help with that?" Varric only waits a beat. "You being able to talk to your sisters, your... Ex or whatever and... anyone else without lying or hiding huge parts of yourself."

[Carver Amell]

"But I'm not what's broken!"

[Varric]

Varric takes a slow breath. Puts aside his first reaction. "Have you heard the word ''hypocrisy' before?" 

[Carver Amell]

He flinches. "I... I'm not... I just.... Talking about it leads to fighting and Beth cries. Not talking leads to fighting and then Beth cries. I can't say the right thing and saying nothing is worse so, so, so what then? I just...."

He looks utterly miserable.

[Varric]

"Well... The timing of it is a factor as well. If you hide it, then that hurts her, after the fights and promises you two made soon after we all got here," Varric reasons out.

[Carver Amell]

He shudders. "She's better off without me. You all are."

[Varric]

"This again?" Varric asks, more sad and tired than angry.

[Carver Amell]

"Sorry," he whispers. "I... I'm..."

[Varric]

"I know. I know it's not... I know you're trying to be better. Trying to not be a hound. And you've made progress on that." Varric reaches over to pat Carver on the arm. "Just... letting you know you're slipping, I guess."

[Carver Amell]

He takes a deep breath, lets it out. "I didn't show Beth my cuts," he says, glancing at his arm. "I probably shouldn't. I should pay for a healer, tomorrow. Just to be safe."

[Varric]

"Don't hide it from her. Not saying you have to show her the cuts, but let her heal them. Let her fuss- and scold you. It makes her feel better," Varric recommends with a slight smile. "Which I suspect you already know but..."

[Carver Amell]

"I'm not. She knows I did it. But... that's different than... I don't know how bad it'll look to a healer's eyes."

[Varric]

Varric takes a moment to... try and find the right way to say this. "Do you realize why I implied you were a hypocrite?" He holds up a hand. "Sorry, before that, I should clarify- everyone is. Everyone. A lot of people take that label as a major insult, a... sign that the giver is invalidating everything about them or at least their position in a debate or the like. That's not how I mean it right now. It's more... I don't want you to make the same mistakes as me."

[Carver Amell]

He nods. "You don't think I should hide things when I get upset when you and Beth hide things from me. But... but there's no way out, Dad, it's just... I'm just... trapped. I can't share and I can't hide."