Blood from Stone [AU]

[Marian Hawke]

"Leave...?" she asks, hesitantly. "it... it was an accident, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry, i'm stupid, I'm sorry."

[Varric]

"Improvising an improved tonic while tired was a bad move but we know you didn't mean to endanger yourself," Varric says soothingly. He tries to catch Cindy's eye, to hint that he's convinced of his words. "So is taking a larger than recommended dose. I get being desperate but... dammit Liz, why didn't you ask for help?"

[Marian Hawke]

Larger than recommended? "I.. I didn't... I didn't want to be a bother," she replies, in a tiny whimper. I didn't want to keep spending Cindy's money for things she doesn't need, won't ever need (not as broken as me), I didn't want to keep making her miss sleep for me, I didn't want to haul anyone out of bed, I just wanted to be small and quiet and not be a burden anymore.

[Varric]

"Liz, you are not a burden. You're family. There's no... ledger of debts owed or costs incurred with family. All I have, everything I am... it's all for my family," Varric whispers, eyes unyielding. "If you can't sleep, Merrill will sleep touch you in a heartbeat- girl thinks it's funny. Beth and Helene can make tonics as well. I can obviously. Carver doesn't have magic to help but he'd go for a walk or jog with you. Or just sit with you. So would Cindy. And not a one of us would regret it or count the cost. I swear."

[Marian Hawke]

I don't want all of everyone's everything. I don't want any of everyone's everything. I just want to stop being such a burden, stop being weak and pathetic. (Do you? really?) (shut up shut up shut up) I just want to stay out of the way.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, unsure whether she's apologizing for almost dying or for not wanting to take his offer.

[Varric]

Varric leans in, tone turning ruthless despite its continued soft, gentle delivery. "I don't care if you're sorry. Sorry is just a word. Without action behind it, it's just air. We love you Liz. You don't want to burden us, don't want to be an inconvenience or an irritation. Well, you dying, you suffering, you pushing us away, hurts us hells of a lot more than asking for fucking help."

[Marian Hawke]

"it doesn't," she whispers. "It doesn't. Because, because I didn't ask for help last night, but I didn't the night before or the night before or a hundred other nights and you didn't hurt one bit."

[Varric]

"Yes we did," Varric snaps at her. "Every day that you ghost about, every day you flinch and avert your eyes when we smile, every day those circles around your eyes, those shadows in them-" He cuts himself off. "Liz, we notice. We notice you pulling away, we notice you not letting us in. And it hurts. And- and you almost died Liz. A hundred nights of not asking that hurt a little... and a hundred years of knowing you died and I could have prevented it. Wake me the hells up next time, please. Cost me a few gold, make me spend some time in a lab, weep on my shoulder for hours. Please. I can't- I do not want to bury you again Elizabeth Garret Tethras."

[Marian Hawke]

Despite her best efforts, her eyes flood with tears. She doesn't move, for a moment she doesn't even breathe, but the tears keep coming and coming, and she makes no move to wipe them away. "You... you notice?" she whimpers. 

[Coquette Blacquin]

"Why do you think Helene ran away from me," says Cindy bitterly. "They think I'm doing it to you. That I'm... gods, Liz, I thought you'd done it on purpose," she whispers, shuddering. "I thought maybe they were right, maybe I was hurting you. And... and maybe I am. Because I pet you and I tell you it's okay but it's not, it's not okay, and I'm scared, and I don't want to lose you."

[Varric]

"Helene understands now," Varric says swiftly. "So no worries there. And Merrill is... she just didn't understand. As I told Cindy, she's, uh, very supportive of that lifestyle choice. Cindy isn't perfect, but she loves you, wants to help and does her best for you. The both of you do, for each other. You just... need to learn to ask- or even just accept- help." Yes that's hypocritical of me (no I don't care (okay, maybe a little) a bit).

[Marian Hawke]

"On... purpose..." she whispers, and her shoulders slump. 

[Coquette Blacquin]

That's all it takes. Cindy tightens her grip, painfully tight. "But that was stupid of me. You would never. I know that. I was just frightened."

[Varric]

"Everyone would," Varric murmurs. "Everyone has a break point. Anyone that claims they don't, that says they'd never give in, is lying, stupid or naive. But you're not there yet. And we can help you back away from it even more."

[Coquette Blacquin]

Something tears in Cindy's mind, some small damage to a barrier she didn't know was there. She swallows, her gorge rising, and pulls away, a hand over her mouth as she sits up, her other arm around her stomach. She bows her head, trembling, her hair falling in her face.