Blood from Stone [AU]

[Varric]

"Good. If you weren't distracted, then you'd be dead. I'll deal with a millions complications and strange things if you're here," Varric whispers.

[Helene Dakesh]

"I was afraid," whispers Helene. "I was so afraid that my distraction would cost Marian her life. What good am I as a parent if I let my child...?"

[Varric]

"Only mortal. You did as much as you could. And then Marian finished it. That's... normal, isn't it? We do as much as we can and our legacy finishes what we leave unfinished. And their legacies will finish what they cannot finish."

[Helene Dakesh]

Still, Helene doesn't look up at him. "You would never have forgiven me if she had died," ne says softly.

[Varric]

"...never forgotten, no. But forgiven... yes. It would... be hard. But in time." Varric can't bring himself to lie to nim, or even soften his words. Ne doeserves more than that.

[Helene Dakesh]

Oddly enough, this seems to soothe nem. "Truly?" ne whispers, swallowing. "This one is... relieved. Overjoyed. This one... This one is truly unworthy. If Varric can forgive even that... Perhaps... perhaps there is a future for this one after all."

Helene wipes away tears, taking a deep breath. "This one will answer any questions Varric -- my husband -- has that seem urgent. Otherwise, this one will be waiting to answer what questions arise from reading this one's chronicle."

[Varric]

"...I think I'm good with eating so... give me a few minutes," he glances at the stack of papers. "More than a few maybe. And then we can... talk more, if... either of us have questions." Offering a smile, he sets his dishes aside and starts reading the papers.

[Helene Dakesh]

The papers are an account of Helene's story, beginning with preparation for the ball -- the last time ne had a conversation with Varric when ne was certain it was Varric -- and ending with Marian's body in the ritual circle, ne trapped, terrified, practicing over and over the one sentence ne planned to say, praying for the strength of mind to say it before falling to pieces. Ne doesn't speculate on what happened with the ritual; this is an account of facts, not speculation or theory. But it details every conversation, every thought ne can recall shaping nir decisions, every feeling ne can put into words and some ne can't. It's a blessing, going into far more detail than he can recall nem ever doing for so long a stretch, and every paragraph speaks to nir concern and sincere wish for Varric to have the information he needs to truly understand and not just know.

[Varric]

Varric finishes it once, sits a moment, then reads it again, then skims through it to look at particularly significant moments a third time. Finally he sets the papers back in order and studies the table. "Never call yourself a coward or weak again. You are a hero in your own right, Seeker Helene-who-was-Dakesh."

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene swallows hard, having moved to sit on the bed once more, holding the bear. "This one broke," ne whispers.

[Varric]

"...just a crack. And no more than... than anyone else did, I think. I think we all picked up a few... fractures during all this business. Just need... support. To heal right." Varric realizes he's in the process of neatening the papers for a sixth time and forces his hand to his lap. "And... and many not just... there are... healers, that... specialize in helping people... deal with trauma from... assault."

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene nods. "This one regressed," ne points out. The papers had been quite clear: each symptom, each small deviation from the norm, was annotated with the rules it broke, the ways in which it was considered backsliding. Being nonverbal got half a page of explanation, as did each instance of assault. As did, hesitantly, a sidebar about gender being related to mental illness, before the hypothesis is clearly marked as such and a question mark placed next to the sidebar, bringing the whole thing into a more tentative feel.

[Varric]

"...gender is about norms. Just like any other social grouping based on cultural agreements. Mental divergences like we have make it harder for us to fit into norms. Correlation is not causation, in either direction." He shrugs a little. "Nonverbal... also a symptom of stress and trauma. Shock. Aggression... self-defense, perfectly normal. Carver, also normal. All together, not good, no, but understandable. And clearly recoverable."

[Helene Dakesh]

Helene nods. "The things Dunswithe said--"

[Varric]

"Things the devil said," Varric interrupts.