Blood from Stone [AU]

[Shannon zi'Marass]

''Oh. A pavitra? I...'' He had spoken before leaving so clearly magical and intelligent so... pavitra makes sense. ''Oh. Well. I mean... it is... hard, to know he is... out of your reach, but he is well... Cin?'' Seeing her reaction, she moves to sit on the side of the bed. ''What did I say?''

[Coquette Blacquin]

"He's not... He's not returned to Vangal," she whispers, looking up at Shannon with unshed tears glimmering in her eyes. "He's... gone. Destroyed. There was a ritual, to destroy the devil, and he... he volunteered. There's something left, a Tulwath, but it's not him, it's the left over bits sort of smushed into a person."

[Shannon zi'Marass]

''Oh. I didn't know that... Oh Coquette,'' she says softly, moving forward to embrace her lover. ''I am so, so sorry.''

[Coquette Blacquin]

"Everything that lives, dies," she whispers, a bit of catechism from Mileen's dogma often repeated at funerals and memorials. "Does that mean he truly lived, if he's gone now?"

[Shannon zi'Marass]

Shannon lowers her head, thinking that over. ''I... I am no sage or priestess. And I didn't know him, not really. But... but I... well. I suppose I can only ask what I want. What I would want rather. Was he happy? Did he have love? Know that he accomplished the things most important to him? Did he leave behind anything that would make it impossible to be content?''

[Coquette Blacquin]

"I think... I think he was happy," she says quietly. "And I loved him, in my own way. He died protecting us, as Vangal would have wanted. And... he had to leave behind Liz."

[Shannon zi'Marass]

''And you. He also left you. But it... but it sounds like he had a good life. I... maybe outsiders have an afterlife as well?'' Shannon shrugs helplessly. 

[Coquette Blacquin]

"I'm sorry," she whispers, wiping at her eyes. "I never got a chance to say goodbye, and it's my own fault -- I was a coward."

[Shannon zi'Marass]

''I think- I think I would like it if... if we could be sad, in front of each other. Weak and... petty. So... it's okay. Crying and... being sad.'' Shannon picks at the bedsheet, looking very awkward and vulnerable.

[Coquette Blacquin]

"Shan," she whispers, reaching for her best friend's hand.

[Shannon zi'Marass]

Shannon claps that hand gratefully. ''And you're not a coward. Far from it, I worry that sometimes you are too brave.''

[Coquette Blacquin]

"I should have gone with her," she whispers. 

[Shannon zi'Marass]

''No.''

[Coquette Blacquin]

"I'm a shitty hero," she admits, wiping at her tears. "I let you talk me out of it. I left before the end. I let Vig sacrifice himself and I didn't even say goodbye. I could have insisted on helping in a non-combat capacity, maybe tending the wounded or helping plan or... something. Something to stay involved."

[Shannon zi'Marass]

''And again, no. You are a good hero. Too much of one in fact. How long did you push yourself to fight alone? Far longer than I and I know full well how wearing fighting alone can be. At least your purpose was far more noble.''