Blood from Stone [AU]

[Marian Hawke]

"I do. I tell Cindy." She shrugs a shoulder. 

[Varric]

"All of it?" Varric says with a note of doubt in his voice very audible. "Because if so, it doesn't seem to be enough."

[Marian Hawke]

"Yes," she snaps. "I tell her everything. She protects me."

[Varric]

Varric lifts a hand. "I know she does. Doesn't mean it's enough."

[Marian Hawke]

It's the best I'm likely to get. "It's enough for me."

[Varric]

"Why settle?" he asks simply. "Cindy's a good person but she's not all you have."

[Marian Hawke]

"No, but she's the best I have," she says, looking away.

[Varric]

Varric doesn't try to hide the hurt that barb does. Nor does he look away or get upset. "You love her and she rescued you. I get that... she's your most important person. Nothing wrong with that. Doesn't mean you can only depend on her. You can get help, support and love from more than one person, dummy."

[Marian Hawke]

"Maybe," she concedes. "But I'm doing fine and most of you have your own things to deal with."

[Varric]

Varric snorts. "Fine, as defined in the mental health community: Freaking out, insecure, not okay and emotional. No-one ever uses 'fine' to describe themselves when they're actually doing okay. Besides, again, family."

[Marian Hawke]

"I really am fine!" she sighs. "Why does nobody believe me? I've improved by leaps and bounds. This is beyond what I ever anticipated. I have someone to talk to, I have my family back, I have a cat and a pavitra, why isn't it enough? Why do I always have to keep pushing? What if I just want to rest?"

[Varric]

Pavitra? Guess that confirms that Vigile is also the 'Platinum Protector' (not that I doubted it much). "Liz... You have to keep pushing because you're not fine. You're better, yes. Loads better. But given where you were, that doesn't mean you're reached 'good.' If you were okay, if you were truly fine, then you wouldn't be afraid to visit your siblings with Cindy by your side. You wouldn't flinch whenever someone says a word starting with 'Mar' or 'dem' sounds." You wouldn't have said whatever is making Bethany sob into her brother's arms like you'd just died all over again..

[Marian Hawke]

True to form, she flinches on cue. "Shut up," she hisses. "Why do you have to rub my nose in it? I know I'm not the same. I know I'm not what you wanted. But why can't I be enough? Why am I never enough how I am?" Her voice becomes a plaintive whine by the end of it, and she wraps her arms around her legs, rocking a bit back and forth.

[Varric]

"I push your brother and sister the same way. I push Helene, I push myself," Varric says softly. "It's not about being 'enough,' about meeting some stupid requirement for our love and loyalty. It's about wanting more for you. It's about wanting you to be healthy and whole. Able to be content and secure in yourself. Comfortable."

[Marian Hawke]

"Cindy loves me just as I am," she whimpers, eyes closing. "No matter what. Even if I never get even a little bit better she'll love me. She won't look at me with disappointed, sad eyes. She thinks I'm amazing for coming this far. With her, I am happy. I only have to pretend when I leave the house, when I come here."