Blood from Stone [AU]

[Varric]

"Over my dead body,"  Varric says bluntly. "Repeatedly if I have any say over things." And given that I have four (five) separate 'resurrection contingencies' in play these days, I have a fair amount of say. "You're male Carver. Regardless of your shell, regardless of what anyone else says, you're male. Full stop."

[Carver Amell]

His shoulders slump as he buries his face again. "Thank you," he croaks a moment later, still struggling to get hold of the powerful feelings inside him. 

[Varric]

"Nothing to thank me for. It's all you," Varric says kindly, averting his eyes to give Carver a semblance of privacy. 

[Carver Amell]

"D'ya know, I'd honestly forgotten?" he asks, softly. "It was so long ago, and nobody brought it up since..."

[Varric]

"I don't blame you. Sounds like you were damn young when things were put right," Varric offers. "Besides, how often do you talk about medical issues that were solved over a decade ago?"

[Carver Amell]

"Yeah," he agrees, sighing as he lowers his hands. "It shouldn't matter. Maybe I can just... keep forgetting about it."

[Varric]

Varric shrugs. "Honestly, I don't see how it matters. You're you and a medical ritual you got when you were just past a toddler isn't really important to anyone else. You have some... issues tied up in it. Your need to prove how manly you are, your... how your hackles come up about homosexuality. But the root of it doesn't need to be spread far and wide by any means. Pick a few people you trust to to explain it, so you have people to talk it out with. Beyond that..." He shrugs again. "It's not important."

[Carver Amell]

"If it's not important why do I need to talk to anyone about it at all?" he asks, moving to take a sip of his cider. "Aside from just not wanting to have secrets in the family."

[Varric]

"Your shell being corrected isn't important, but the... aftereffects are. The need to prove and the fear/shame about homosexuality," Varric explains. "The former is just one of the causes for the causes of the latter."

[Carver Amell]

Carver shifts a little. "I was going to talk to Jass about... stuff... this trip. Now I'm not sure. Maybe I should just..."

[Varric]

"Don't say 'stuff.' Say it plain," Varric reminds him. "Hiding it from yourself doesn't help."

[Carver Amell]

"I..."

His face twists. "I don't know. I like him. A lot. Like I used to like Merrill a lot. And I want... but if I can't even talk about it I shouldn't do it. We're friends, I don't want to fuck that up by putting all this crap in it."

[Varric]

"That's good of you. That you can realize that. He sounds like a good person from what you've said and you like him. Treating him like a dirty secrets, like something you're ashamed of or as a kind of... test for yourself, would be a disservice to you both. You deserve better, the two of you. Not doing anything would be better... but still not what you deserve." Varric sighs a little, sipping his drink. "If I can find a partner, a spouse... there's someone for you as well. Maybe it's him. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's him and someone else, like Seli, Lovan and Aveline."

[Carver Amell]

"I can't," he whispers. "I can't do it, Dad. I can't just..."

[Varric]

"Break it down. Carve it up into smaller problems. Focus on the parts of it you can work on, then reevaluate. What can't you do, why can't you do it?" He moves to Carver, voice soft and unshakeable. "And remember, you don't have to do it alone. Not anymore."