Blood from Stone [AU]

[Varric]

"Why didn't you say you weren't up to brewing?"

[Marian Hawke]

"I..."

She winces, looking miserable. "I wanted... I wanted to make you proud," she whispers. 

[Varric]

"Liz, every day you wake up and try to smile makes me proud. Even if you can't. Even if all you can manage is crying, as long as you stay alive and keep trying, I'm so damn proud of you. What you've gone through would have ended most people. Hells, you've been through enough for most any three people." Reaching slow, he tries to take their hand, avoiding the burn.

[Marian Hawke]

She sniffle, tears sliding down her cheeks. "She... she called me..." she whispers. 

[Varric]

Marian. "She did. That bothers you a lot more than you like to let on, doesn't it?" She gets tense and shuts down if someone slips, gets hurt if someone starts to slip and corrects but... Might be the speaker or the context but... "Never really did ask in full the why of that."

[Marian Hawke]

She lowers her gaze to her lap. "It's just... I... I told her not to. And she knows me as Liz. She's never used that name. But she... she thinks of me that way. Even though I told her not to, that it's not me. You remember that person from before but Cindy doesn't, never has. She only... she could only have meant to hurt me, saying it."

[Varric]

"I... probably. I'll admit I overthought it at the time. I do that sometimes, overanalyze and try to read too much into things. Made me think she was trying to say that the problem isn't about the problems that name went through, that it's about the problems Liz and Cindy have. That we were all so focused on those, ah, M-problems that we weren't seeing the current ones. Which isn't entirely untrue but her being hurt and lashing out all bitch like is probably a lot more likely, yeah." Varric slowly starts to rub Liz's arm, expression thoughtful. 

[Marian Hawke]

"That..."

She frowns, relaxing a little into the back of the loveseat. "That... makes sense. That she'd think of... me as Liz, and that... that person i used to be, the damaged one, as... Marian."

To her credit, she only shivers a little saying it.

"Do you... think of me as...?"

[Varric]

Varric hums softly. "I think in layers and I can be very... precise and contextual in labeling people. Two minutes ago, my primary identification of you was 'apprentice mine.' Typical naming isn't important to me all the time. That's one of the reasons why I have that habit of nicknaming people. I like it better when people have names that fit context, either of activity or status of relationship. I resisted your renaming at the beginning because of that- changing that would be admitting that the person I knew before was gone." He shrugs a little, not looking regretful. "Can't feel bad about that really. Even if I wasn't losing you for real, I don't like change I didn't cause or can control."

[Marian Hawke]

"The person you knew is gone," she says quietly. "I'm not... I'm not sure what I am now is... I need a Dominant, I don't, I can't function on my own. If Cindy is... if she doesn't want to..."

[Varric]

"She's not gone. She's not who you are now, but she's not... erased and vanished. She was remade into you, like... a shield reforged into a breastplate." Varric shifts a little, then forces his gaze back to her before it can drift far. "And I think you're more capable of functioning for yourself than you think."

[Marian Hawke]

"I'm not," she whispers. "I'm just a good liar."

[Varric]

"Really? Because you stood up to your Dom," only a slight quiver there, "pretty well. And evidently you argue with her pretty regularly from what she said last night. Win a fair bit of the time too. That doesn't sound like you being incapable."

[Marian Hawke]

"I can't... I feel all... shaky and.. unmoored, without her. I can't focus, I can't... I'm no good to anyone right now."

[Varric]

"That because you lost your Dom or because you just had a messy split with a loved one? Because that sounds like the later..."