Blood from Stone [AU]

[Marian Hawke]

"I... I am one who would... Aveline said, I... I would sell my family to save myself," she whispers. "That... Is never what Ciren would want. But... People live that way."

[Tethras Clan]

Empty hearts, what has happened..? "People live in chains, with bloody sword in hand, with fertile field lovingly tended and lashing out in pursuit of suffering no matter the source. People live many ways. Few are suitable for a given person."

[Marian Hawke]

"I can't get better," she whispers. "I tried. But I... I can't leave things like this. I can't let the twins suffer. So. I came to ask Ciren what to do."

She turns to look at him, finally, dry eyes painfully earnest. "Do you know? What to do?"

[Tethras Clan]

A shadow enters Zevran's eyes, long held pain and loss. "Find joy. Find passion. It does not matter how small or silly the source or reason. Become its most diligent master and most devout servant. Embrace it. Drown yourself in it, even when everything tastes of betrayal and there seems to be no light or hope in the world. Keep that warmth close. Do not turn away other good things but always hold your greatest joy at the ready to save you. And... and eventually, you will realize that you do not need it. Oh, it will always be your core but... mayhap you also learn to paint." He wrinkles his nose as he studies a smear of paint on his wrist. "Or perhaps sketching."

[Marian Hawke]

He means fucking, she thinks, and it's an odd thought, to use a term so crude for something so sacred to him. "Can you show me? How to forget everything else and cling to the good?"

[Tethras Clan]

"I can, as they say, show you mine, but you must discover yours yourself." Despite the joke, his tone is still serious and soft. "But perhaps first something warm to drink, something sweet to nibble and a cool cloth for your face?"

[Marian Hawke]

"No," she says, and it's Naishe's voice he hears, all those years ago. "No. I can't. My insides are all ice."

[Tethras Clan]

Zevran studies her face for a moment. "I learned a very interesting thing, oh, perhaps a year or so ago? Something like that. Anyway, I had chanced upon the acquentience of a sage of some renown and got to talking. Evidently, there is a limit to how cold a thing might get, a state of being wherein there is not warmth or heat at all, just chill. But..." He smiles faintly. "The reverse is not true. If enough effort is made, the heat of something can increase forever. I am, of course, somewhat biased, but I always thought that so very interesting. That passion has no limit. That it can thaw any cold."

[Marian Hawke]

"You die long before your insides get to absolute zero," says Liz, dubiously. Maybe that's my answer, then.

[Tethras Clan]

"Depends on the person really," he replies, mentally noting the term she used for later use. Very snappy. "Mortal hearts are surprisingly robust. They can slumber in the cold for a very long time until warmth lures them out to life."

[Marian Hawke]

"Hearts, maybe," she says, knowing he means the Ciren kind of heart and not the Bastion. She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. "You really think I can recover?"

[Tethras Clan]

"I think I would be delighted to help you learn joy once again. It is possible. The most wretched, broken and damaged slave can learn to embrace the warmth of a free sunrise. Though..." He shrugs a little. "Recover is perhaps not your only option. You need not... restore what you were or could have been. As long as you are happy, content and having meaning in your life... that seems, to me, like it should be well enough, no?"

[Marian Hawke]

"I thought... I thought I was doing that. That I had done that. I was... Maybe happy isn't the right word, but content. And I had meaning. And I had Cindy. That was enough, wasn't it?" she begs. "Maybe I'm just cursed by the gods. Maybe happiness isn't mine to have. Nor joy."

[Tethras Clan]

"That is a... terrible curse to bear, one reserved for the most vile of souls," Zevran chides her gently. "I am no sworn Joyous but I know much of Ciren's word. What have you done, that would make you think thus?"

[Marian Hawke]

"As I said earlier, I..." She takes a deep breath, looking down at her hands. "I was tempted, by a devil," she says, quietly. "I... I thought to save my own soul by giving up someone else. Fear makes a monster out of me."