Blood from Stone [AU]

[Carver Amell]

"Do you think.... another delve might...?"

[Varric]

Varric pauses, frowning. "I... I don't know. Delves are risky, especially for something this... mentally widespread. But... possibly. Definitely need to wait until Liz can have a session or two with John. I know more than ninety-nine percent of Nyra about mental conditions but he's in the one percent. And he just plain has better instincts on that sort of thing than me."

[Carver Amell]

"I didn't... ask, before, but... what did... what did you see last time?"

[Varric]

Varric's face is blank for a moment, then he visibly shakes himself. Carver can actually see him slowly reacting, overcoming his engrained reserve with deliberate effort. It could be faked, of course, Varric crafting each reaction, but if so, he has to be doing a three plus layer deception as it's so clunky that it wouldn't read as normal even to a child. The muscles of his face tighten, eyes closing as if pained. His hand flexes rapidly and he widens his stance slightly. When he speaks, his voice is no longer tight and controlled but instead low and heavy. 

"It was in... three acts, I guess works, plus a finale. Minds prefer to use formats they're familiar with and Marian was always a big reader. The first was before. It was festival time- a distorted echo of Astea's day. Marian- and it was Marian, not Liz or anyone else- was sweeping the porch when we found her. She was... happy. Innocent. And then she mentioned it was Burning Day. That she had volunteered as the... star of the  event, in Beth's place. A symbolic sacrifice, with her playing the role of witch, whose death would ward off demons from killing everyone. Not especially subtle really but... dramatic and fitting."

"I think the worst of it was that she was happy and excited to be doing it. At least until I started making her, making all of her, actually acknowledge what she was doing. Acknowledge that a part of her resented having to make this sacrifice. To make all the sacrifices she had made to take care of you both despite your parents. And more, that being resentful was okay. That she shouldn't have been forced to make those choices and that she should be able to have her own joys and dreams."

[Carver Amell]

Carver closes his eyes as Varric speaks, steeling himself. Marian... but I knew, didn't I? I knew her looking after us was wrong. She was only a kid too. Only... well, I tried my best not to be a burden, I tried to look after Beth, but... is that why she can't find happiness now? Because she had to look after us?

He forces his eyes open again, forces himself to watch Varric's face. I should stop him. But... but... if it might help her... "What was the second act?" he asks, in a low tone.

[Varric]

A faint ghost of a smile flickers at the question. "Next came a visit to the favorite inn of Garret the Demon King, famed bandit and infamous lover. A child's romanticized, storybook version of a Bandit Queen anyway. A life lived for pleasure and comradery. All the plundering and fighting happened off-stage, so to speak. The dream was only about the tavern, of drinking and boasting with his bosom friends. Of flirting with the barmaids- and barmen. Singing, dancing, fist-fights and more drinking. No responsibilities, no duties, no expectations. This Act's lesson was twofold. The first was the counterpoint to the previous lesson, that you shouldn't live just for yourself, to avoid overindulgence. But more, it was about not trying to avoid the pain of your past by casting off your history." 

Varric pauses second, then adds, "and also that Liz is what the Cirenites call hued-female. Meaning that Liz is female, mostly, with hues of male. At least, I'm almost certain that's how they're built. It's not really something you can just measure or weigh."

[Carver Amell]

"She's... what? No, she's never said anything like that," he says, frowning. Garrett. Why does that sound familiar...

[Varric]

Because of course that's what you latch onto (fair enough honestly). "Fairly certain they're very, very carefully not thinking about that topic. For all sorts of reasons."

[Carver Amell]

Carver glances away, swallowing back his comments. Finally, he nods. "Alright. Marian the sacrifice and Garrett the demon king. What was act three?"

[Varric]

The smile, as faint and quarter-hearted as it was vanishes instantly. "Act three was... well, pretty damn relevant. I..." He takes a slow breath. "This was... between each of Liz's acts was one for Cindy. Helene was... disabled during that Act. So I was..." He falters, not sure how to sum up his condition at the time.

[Carver Amell]

"Worried?" he asks, gently. 

[Varric]

"Sure, let's leave it understated. Ruins a story to spell every little thing out after all." Varric flexes his hands, glancing down with faint surprise at the reminder that he has a sheet of paper in his hand. "Right, before I forget, here. So. Act Three. A... surprisingly accurate remembrance of the Danvers Institute. More shadow and less inhabitants but otherwise... It was... bad. I can't... Summary. Summary is she had a nurse, the... manifestation of 'I can't get better, I shouldn't push myself' that tried to convince me to just leave her be, let her be broken instead of risking worse. Then the patient version of her tried to make me pick: Demon King or Burnt Martyr. One to keep, the other to cut out entire. Told her to get bent, obviously, and picked every part of them." Bit more to it than that but I... I can only dig out so much.

[Carver Amell]

He frowns. "So... did you... fail, then? By not picking?" And what does it say about me that I'd pick Marian, every time?

[Varric]

"No. Remember, I wasn't being asked to pick between full people. If I had chosen the Burnt Martyr, then we'd have someone that answers to Marian, sure. But she'd be... twice as eager to please as Merrill, twice as eager to put herself between innocents and danger as Aveline, twice as eager to be useful as Helene, twice as eager to push herself past her limits as me and twice as eager to demand perfection as you. The Demon King would have been nearly the opposite- no regard for the interests or needs of others, self-serving and self-absorbed. Friendly and amiable, sure, but immature and irresponsible." He shakes his head. "As near as John, Wynne and I can figure, doing that, elevating a single aspect of a person into total dominance over a person's mind would fail. Either the aspect would flounder and eventually regress back into the meld, resulting in a recurrence of the previous issue, or the mind would become unbalanced and... fall."

[Carver Amell]

He flushes. It means I'm shite at delving, apparently, he admits to himself. "So you refused to pick and... what?"