Blood from Stone [AU]

[Coquette Blacquin]

She shudders, her stomach heaving. "My fiance," she croaks out, shaking her head twice, sharply. "Catalian was my former partner," she adds, trying to get off the topic. "Kismat was buying corpses from unsavory undertakers, reanimating them, using them as fucktoys and pleasure slaves -- intelligent ones, not mere zombies."

[Tethras Clan]

Aveline stares. "...understandable," she says, reaching across the table to rest a hand on her forearm. "Do you ne- would you like a moment to... gather your thoughts?"

[Coquette Blacquin]

She shakes her head. "If I stop, I may not resume again. I wish to... explain in full, as best I can."

[Tethras Clan]

"Bravely done." She squeezes Cindy's arm. "Very well. You say you cannot recall more deaths than those? Is that because there are many or because of something else? And can you say with certainty that you have never committed murder?"

[Coquette Blacquin]

"Ye--"

Here it stops her, and she hangs her head. "I cannot recall the... I've forgotten, or been made to forget, things about Olocaryn. Him excepted, yes, I have never committed murder, I am certain. I have... seven years in Glaley, followed by a st-stay at D-danvers In-institute," she stutters, in a way that has nothing to do with the spell. "It is h-hard to be c-certain I recall all that is relevant, every accident."

[Tethras Clan]

"I see. That is... rather worrisome," Aveline admits. "More on your behalf, rather than of you. I would strongly suggest you find an expert to help recover your lost memories. It is possible for compulsions or worse to be hidden in such blank spots."

[Coquette Blacquin]

"I... I know," she says quietly. "I'm planning to. I recall... I recall some ritual I underwent shortly after, and I recall having very good reasons, but if it has to do with my missing memories I don't think I can afford to leave it undone. At the very least, someone living should know why it was done, how to reverse it and how to perform it again."

[Tethras Clan]

"Good then. If you need help or... well. Ask." Aveline pauses to think. "Were any of the deaths you caused that of an innocent?" At Cindy's negative reply, she nods again. "Alright. Then... Have you any memory of any act that you think Jaina would consider as bad or worse than murder?"

[Coquette Blacquin]

Her eyes burn with tears, and she looks down, but she keeps speaking, her voice level, even. "I failed to recover her daughter," she says quietly. "I got her son kidnapped, almost killed. I made Kyle lie to her for years, knowing my identity. I lied to her for years. I don't know how these things stack up for her."

[Tethras Clan]

"Far, far less than murder, silly girl," Aveline murmurs. And this rather well explains why this big confession. 

[Coquette Blacquin]

"I feel... responsible for Mel," she whispers. "I... it might not be rational, but... I feared Jaina might feel the same. When Will was taken, I, I left the family. I stopped allowing myself that weakness, that soft place inside me."

[Tethras Clan]

"I understand that kind of guilt. I..." Aveline swallows, eyes drifting to the table. "I was engaged once, when I was younger. Childhood sweetheart. We were in the guard together. He... he was killed by bandits not thirty feet from me. I didn't even notice until the fight was over. I was the shield, the group's paladin. It was my place to protect them. I failed."

[Coquette Blacquin]

Coquette nods, slowly. "I... Liz is..."

Grief and pain closes her throat, and she shakes her head. "But we're speaking of my career," she changes the subject back. 

[Tethras Clan]

"Of course. I just wanted to... that guilt can fade. In time. It's hard to let it go. It... it can become something of a... comfort, in a strange way. As if as long as you feel guilty, you're being punished so maybe you can be forgiven. But you don't need the guilt for that. Jaina has forgiven you. So has Kyle, I think. You should... try to forgive yourself." Aveline clears her throat and pulls her hand back. "Right then. Are there any crimes that you think Jai would think as bad as those deaths you caused?"

[Coquette Blacquin]

She shakes her head. "I tried to do as minimal crime as possible to achieve my ends. It seemed imprudent to make an enemy of the Shields."