Blood from Stone [AU]

[Marian Hawke]

Liz sits in the center of the living room in their small cottage, not making a sound. She's good at not making a sound. Good at denying herself the ability to take up space, to take up volume. She kneels on the floor, doubled over, sobbing into her knees soundlessly, as they discuss their relationship upstairs. 

Their relationship. Because they have one, strange at it is. I'm the interloper here. The third wheel. Just like always: the twins have each other, Varric and Helene have each other, Zevran and Isabela have each other, and I have no-one. I thought I had someone but she discarded me. I was too broken for her.

She knows she needs to stop spiraling. As the tears run dry, she promises herself she'll get up, she'll leave a note, she'll go home to Varric. She'll curl up on his couch and cry there. She'll be somewhere safe. She won't give up. But she can't manage to get to her feet, to summon up the energy to prepare spells. Any moment now I'll get up. Just one more minute here, head on my knees, and then I'll get up. Just one more minute. Get up. Get up, lazy ass, get up.

[Tethras Clan]

Feet still trained to be utterly silent save when he makes a deliberate effort, Zevran is kneeling next to her before the merikos elf becomes aware of his presence. Once he has her attention, he doesn't waste words or pull punches. "I care for you. I love you. I want you in my life. I want to make that work, if you are willing to try."

[Marian Hawke]

She lifts her head, then, hope dawning through the tears. "R-really? You... you want me?" she whispers, scarcely daring to believe it. 

[Tethras Clan]

Zevran smiles, nodding a little. "It will not be... simple, I am afraid. Isabela... it was not the same but she... well, there is good reason as to why she can understand you so well. For her, she cannot abide the idea that she is trapped, physically or emotionally. She protects herself, in her mind, by refusing to need others. Or, failing that, refusing to admit she needs anything. She... I do not know if she will ever allow herself to... have that with you. But I can. Do. What shape that will take..." He shrugs fluidly. "I do not know."

[Marian Hawke]

"I want..."

She takes a deep breath, lowering her gaze. "I miss belonging to someone," she whispers. "Like I used to. And you're so much better at it. So much more experienced and kind and..."

[Tethras Clan]

"Liz, no. You can belong with me, but never to me. If you can't understand that, accept and agree to it, then..."

[Marian Hawke]

"Why is it so wrong?" she asks quietly. "To be submissive, to be owned, to play all the time... I can always safeword. I know you'd accept it if I did. Why is it wrong?"

[Tethras Clan]

"I cannot answer as if I were a god. I can only say that it would be wrong for us, because it would be wrong for me. I cannot do that. I cannot own someone, not even with a safeword. It would tear me apart inside. I am sorry."

[Marian Hawke]

So I am alone again.  Liz shivers, wiping at her eyes. "Okay. I... I think  I should go home now," she whispers. "I think... I think I'm going to have a bad day. I'm sorry."

[Tethras Clan]

"Is that the only way you... cannot you not just... be with me?" Zevran asks sadly, settling back on his heels.

[Marian Hawke]

"I can. I want to. I just... I just should go home before I make any more bad decisions today."

[Tethras Clan]

"May I walk you home?" I am worried... "I... feel... it seems the least I can do for you."

[Marian Hawke]

"Yes," she whispers. "Please do. I... I am not well, I think, I... I'm sorry I caused so much trouble this morning."

[Tethras Clan]

Zevran leans forward to kiss her cheek. "You made a single mistake. The rest of what came after... was not your fault. Asking for more, asking to be loved and name that love..." He shrugs a little. "Perfectly understandable, perfectly acceptable."

[Marian Hawke]

"What I want is... wrong," she whispers. "I don't know how to want the right things."