The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Marian Hawke]

She hesitates, working at her lip. "Just... the idea that anyone would... would miss me, would be frightened, it just... I can't... It baffles me." And... makes me feel trapped, somehow, she thinks, but it sounds ridiculous even in her head, so she doesn't say it aloud.

"I ran off thinking nobody would follow, nobody would miss me. By the time I got up to the tree I expected you to show up and chew me out again for being selfish. I didn't... I didn't think... I thought you'd all be relieved to be rid of me."

She looks back at him, then, her eyes lost, a bit scared. "I don't know what to do with this. How to... what to... I don't have a script or a, anything, I don't know how to be this. To be someone you... someone who'd be missed."

[Varric]

"It... it's messy," he allows, meeting her eyes. "Having people depend on you, even if it's just to be around... it's a weight. Having them lean on you, having them ask questions about your business, your feelings... it can be a pain in the ass. But... I had a friend, growing up. She... she was great. Brilliant and clever and with the driest wit you could imagine. Never met anyone near half as good with clockwork and mechanisms as her, before or since, and we'd spend hours, days, working on projects. Doesn't mean it didn't grate sometimes, having her around. That her tapping, tapping, tapping, quill against her lips didn't drive me up a wall. But... you muddle through. Go slow, take your time, sound things out if you have to."

[Marian Hawke]

Marian looks away first, swallowing hard. "I... I'll try," she whispers. "But it won't... if it doesn't work..."

[Varric]

"Then we step back, go over what happened and come up with a new plan."

[Marian Hawke]

"You'll.. help me? You promise?" she asks, voice small. 

[Varric]

"No expert in making friends or... what have you but anything I know is yours," he promises. "If you need advice, if you need someone to stand with you when you talk to someone else, if you just need someone to..." He gestures at her to indicate her eyes, awkwardly offering more hugs if she needs to cry. "I... hells, you might have noticed I hate failing, hate giving up on things. That goes double for people and triple for the really important stuff. So."

[Marian Hawke]

I don't have to die. I don't have to live this way, I can... I can change. The thought feels like a splash of fresh water over a fresh wound: painful, cleansing, all at once. She breaks down into tears again, stammering out, "thank you," as she does.

[Haliel Lightsong]

"Marian?" Lightsong's voice, still a bit distant, reaches the merikos elf for the second time today. The aasimar breaks into a run as she spots her, coming to a stop facing her... something, body angled slightly as if to block Varric. "What's wrong? Did he- what did you say to her?" the paladin demands hotly.

[Marian Hawke]

"He-- he didn't-- I--" 

Marian swallows, shaking her head. "I almost-- it's okay, he didn't hurt me."

[Varric]

Lightsong's protective righteousness dims as Varric clears his throat. "Just... had one of those sort of talks is all," he says carelessly, then glances at Marian. "And thank you for speaking quickly, she looked near ready to cleave me."

[Haliel Lightsong]

Coloring slightly, Lightsong ducks her gaze. "I wan't- I wouldn't..." She falters, unable to speak the lie, to claim she wouldn't have attacked Varric if he had been cruel to Marian. "That is..."

[Marian Hawke]

"Please don't," she whispers. "He was trying to help. He did help. I -- I wasn't going to come back, he... convinced me otherwise."

[Haliel Lightsong]

Haliel stiffens, hurt washing away the last of her protectiveness, which is then mixed with gratitude and... something. "Oh. Sorry. I... sorry for... intruding," she says, voice stiff. She takes a step back, then another.

[Marian Hawke]

Pain flashes across her features as Marian turns away, dabbing at her eyes. Thought as much... she doesn't want someone damaged like me.

[Varric]

Varric frowns, then stiffens. "Lightsong- what are you feeling right now?" he snaps. "Don't think, just answer the question." His tone is urgent to the point of curtness and the student, the recruit, in Lightsong reacts.