The Amell Legacy: Transgressions

[Haliel Lightsong]

"You seem to be really enamored with Merrill," Haliel comments, smiling. "Have you asked her out yet or still in the daydreaming about a crush stage?"

[Carver Amell]

"Um," he says, hesitantly. "I think... I need to learn how stuff works when you're not noble," he admits, rubbing the back of my neck. "She, uh... she definitely was... she seemed... I fucked it up."

[Bethany]

Beth winces a little. "Yeah, that could... noble courting is way different than normal people dating," she agrees. "Do... do you want to get advice on that?" She ducks her head, picking at the hem of her sleeve. "I... I want to be helpful to you. I... but I keep messing it up by just... deciding and doing things. So... so I'm trying to ask now."

[Carver Amell]

"I-- I do," he says, hesitantly. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore, and you... you were always the smart twin. The one who had it all together."

[Bethany]

Beth snorts, then reaches out to cup his cheek. "Oh that's sweet of you," she says dryly. "But no. I'm just good at juggling things and running really fast so I don't hear the sound of what I let fall hit the ground. But dating I can help you with, at least a little."

[Carver Amell]

"You saved me," he insists, then glances away, the words he'd been unable to utter for years finally coming loose: "I-- I've wanted to die every day since I was twelve. But you made me feel like... like there was some chance. Some hope for the future, some way we could fix this and I'd be okay. Or, at the very least, like I could hang in there a little longer so I didn't hurt you. My worst days I at least told myself, I might die soon, but not today, Beth would cry."

[Bethany]

Beth gapes at him, fist coming up to press against her mouth. "I- I didn't- didn't realize- that bad? I just-" Reaching out with one arm, she silently offers a hug, barely beating Haliel to it.

[Carver Amell]

Carver nods. "It-- it hit me that-- that no matter what I was g-going to d-do, I-- I was g-going to b-become a w-woman," he stammers, wiping at his eyes. It's then that he glances up, sees the both of them, and throws his arms around his twin.

"Thank you," he whispers. "For n-not letting me-- for m-making sure I g-got here. I'm s-sorry I doubted you."

[Bethany]

"I-" Beth closes her eyes and rocks against him, loving the broad warmth of Carver's real hug. "I'm sorry too. I- I hate J- J- him, but I should have supported you. I'm sorry I'm such a bitch," she mumbles into his shoulder. 

[Carver Amell]

"We never-- we never quite finished--" he begins, hesitantly. "S-sorry, I'm d-doing it again. Nevermind. We don't have to talk about him or anything he did."

[Bethany]

Beth takes a deep breath. "No, it's okay. As long as Haliel is here, we can... talk about it. Just... take it slow?"

[Carver Amell]

Carver nods, slowly. "It's just-- I wanted... I know you know a lot more about sex and... I'm starting to think that... maybe... maybe what we did wasn't... right, somehow. It felt... I shouldn't have felt... bad, like I did after. You said I looked worse than ever, after each time I mentioned-- the second time was when you were in my room in the middle of the night, invisible. You said I looked worse than usual and, and you saw me with, when I had to wear dresses and stuff. I want... I want to trust you that it was worse -- it all felt really bad, most of the time, so it's hard to tell -- but... I don't know if that's because... because I didn't have a p-penis yet, or if maybe... maybe he accidentally did something wrong."

[Bethany]

Beth nods slowly. "Thank you for not using names, that does help," she whispers. Clearing her throat, she continues a touch louder. "I... yes. What you described was... Not right. He..." Beth swallows hard, self-disgust welling up in her. "He didn't get actual consent. He suggested, you considered, he pushed ahead. Just- just like I did. Gods."

[Haliel Lightsong]

"Deep breaths Beth," Haliel says soothingly, rubbing her back. "You made a mistake. A serious one. But you can redeem yourself and make it right. Learn from it and never do it again."

[Carver Amell]

"But-- but I don't feel that bad after you-- what you did," protest Carver. "I felt bad because I realized I hurt you-- I maybe r-reminded you of-- of-- what happened," he finishes, swallowing hard. "And, I d-don't want to d-do anything l-like that to you-- but, but, what we did is sinful, too, just like what he did, and.. and..."